Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God
| Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God |
The heart of the Father for the vulnerable |
2015-08-24
Somewhere on the Internet, I came across the above picture. It shows a headline at a New York City cinema, early in the ’90-ies. It’s a tragic headline, I’d say. An important question is: Is it true? Do we, men, no longer provide protection anymore?
To protect – women, children, the vulnerable in general – against all kinds of dangers. Once it was seen as one of the principal masculine virtues. A husband was there to protect his wife. A father was there to protect his children. The big boss at a factory was there to protect his employees. A pastor was there to protect the parishioners in his congregation, as a shepherd his sheep. Any Christian was there to protect the poor and the outcasts...
And to protect didn’t just mean: to shield away from danger. It included: to provide for, to give what you had to give for their benefit. It meant: to use your skills, your might, your power, your wealth and whatever you had, for the benefit of those under your care.
But no more of that now... Those were the days of
paternalistic thinking that lie far behind us. We live in the 21st century.
We overcame the bad ghosts of the past. We, modern
individuals, we are not that ignorant anymore; we have grown up, we seize
our individuality and our independence.
Wives don’t need any protection from a husband anymore; they can or
should be able to take care of themselves, very well. The above headline
is attributed to artist and feminist Jenny Holzer (who, btw, had made
this phrase ironically appear on condom packings as well).1
The same for the few parishioners that are left – they don’t
need any protection from clergy anymore. On the contrary, some need
protection against too many clergy who put their own interest or
lust above all and became abusive...
Children still need protection – but not by a father, but
here too, often more against abusive fathers...
Yes, that’s another side of this issue: in this
time and age we have become cynical. Negative experiences or the
ever-increasing stream of ugly news items we have seen on television, have
left us doubting and have kindled our insecurity and distrust. After all,
who can still be trusted to provide safety and protection?
Which husband, which father, which political leader, which boss in industry,
which pastor – who of them really has proved to be 100% worthy of our
trust? Aren’t they all bastards who seek their own gain only at the
expense of others, when their dirty minds think they can afford it?
Don’t they all give up their integrity, when the opportunity arises?
So far a picture of the relational and societal landscape in which we find ourselves today. No, it’s not rosy. It’s bleak. And it knows no borders. It’s there in the West and it’s there in the East, and perhaps even more in the Middle. But should we stick with it? Should we accept it as an inescapable fate? Or is there a way to a better place, to a better society; one with more dignity, more true safety, more real joy, more true humanity?
Let’s have a look at what the Bible has to say
about the issue. First thing we see then, is that this development is not
new. It is characteristic, though, for the time we live in – a time
in which we see the second coming of Jesus approaching. It is characteristic
of the one who tries to deal the Kingdom of God a last big blow; to
destroy still as much as he can, while he still can...
Yes, in the above, when we look well, we see the signature of the
adversary all over. Didn’t he start his evil work in Genesis 3 by
sowing distrust in the heart of Eve and Adam, that first and legendary
couple? God had created them, after His own image, which is full of grace,
kindness and faithfulness.2 God had looked upon them and said: “Very good!”
He had made them heirs of His creation, walking with them in the garden
of genuine pleasure.3 There was great shalom and dignity.
Then came the adversary. Weren’t his words of the order of:
“Don’t trust God to protect you! He has ulterior motives
– to keep you small and ignorant. You’d better take things into
your own hand, be independent, and go straight against what He said,
and you will be as great as He is...”
The consequence we know. Broken relationships. Shame.
Feelings of inferiority, masqueraded. Hiding behind thick personal walls.
Distance between people and God, their Creator and between people mutually.
Avoidance of responsibility. One person accusing the other, shifting blame
onto the other and God. Trying to look good by judging and degrading others.
Trying to hide one’s own weakness and insecurity by being bossy;
judging, subjecting, using and domineering others.
It’s a simple mechanism. One that perpetuates itself endlessly in
families, in churches, in communities, countries, and over the generations.
Being not really listened to, being belittled, used and abused leading to
feelings of insecurity, inferiority and shame. And to a lack in skills to
address the pain of these issues in one’s own heart. So, again, the
pain, the insecurity and the shame are easily ignored and shifted by hiding
and by taking power and judging and degrading others. And on, and on, this
cycle of sin and iniquity goes...
I asked: Is this it? No, it isn’t! Though by ourselves we are quite powerless to go against it, we don’t have to give in to this evil perpetual mechanism of shame, distrust, unworthiness, of hiding and abuse of power. There is an alternative; God provided an escape route.
That route starts with getting to know God as He really is, in all His grace, kindness and faithfulness, through Jesus.2 He is so very unlike the Pharisees, unlike the harsh father who did not allow his sons to cry, unlike the mother who did not have time to nurture her children as they needed. Also quite unlike the abusive clergy, the boyfriend who wanted only one thing, and unlike the domineering bosses... His voice is tender. He does not shout or condemn. His Word says that He gave His Son for us, when we were still living as His enemies.4 He looks at us with love and He is glad to see us, to welcome us back into His warmth, into His tender embrace that soothes our hearts and that nourishes our souls. Only there, in His tender embrace, can we ever come to acknowledge the deep pain and shame buried deep in our own heart. Only there, can the wounds be healed, such that we become transformed from the inside out. Only in His acceptance can we truly accept ourselves as we are, and find the way to become as He intended us to be.
I have seen many seek for another route, and I have been
seeking that route myself as well. It’s to be a route in which
we are not confronted with that nasty inner shame. One we could manage on
our own. I have seen entire church empires build on a theology that says:
do your best, care that you have just the right theology (our
theology of course, which is just right, not theirs, which is
no good). They emphasize that one has to accept and confess just the right
doctrines – which they teach endlessly, of course. Then, they say, by
your good will you can do it! If only we do our part of getting things just
right, God will do the rest and make us holy. Success stories are shared,
weakness and hardship are ignored or ascribed to believing a wrong
theology.
And then, we see these people, these communities crumble in a time of
hardship or testing. Under adversity, they go back into the downward spiral
of hiding behind a wall, and of blaming, shaming and controlling others.
Anyone who cannot put up a nice front, an acceptable performance, is shamed,
and ultimately condemned and shunned. You have to fit in on the outside.
When we depend on our human performance, we fall short... It’s like
Gordon Dalbey phrases it: “Most of us are programmed from childhood
by culture and family to focus on performance. We fear open, childlike
relationship with the Living God, largely because we tried that as
children and were wounded by adults we trusted. We don’t know Father
God’s heart for us because we’re afraid to trust Him long
enough for Him to reveal it. We prefer the false comfort of our control to
the genuine security of God’s control.5 We prefer the false image of being right
above the humility and vulnerability of real relationship.
But that’s not how it works. Being right has
got very little to do with it. Shaming others is a sure sign of phariseeical
pride disguising our own feelings of inferiority, insecurity and shame.6 As children - boys and
girls - we needed examples. We needed fathers who modelled this life before
our eyes. Fathers, who spoke with us about the big issues of life: how to
pray for a prospective wife, how to protect your dignity and the dignity of
the people around you. Many of us did not receive that, and we did
not see before our eyes how to do it, in order to learn to do it ourselves,
because in many cases our human fathers were equally wounded already.
That’s why I believe it is only from experiencing the fullness of
God’s tender embrace, the warmth of His abundant grace and Love, that
we can start to find acceptance and healing. There, lavished in His
all-embracing Love, we become rich; we become forgiving like He is. No longer
do we have the urge to compare ourselves with others (cf. 1 Cor.2:9-16;
2 Cor.5:16). In truly experiencing the Father’s Love, the need to
depreciate others melts away as snow under the proverbial warm sun. Away
goes the need to be right and the need to be judgemental. On the
contrary, we have something to share of God’s fullness of grace and
faithfulness for everybody we meet, out of His abundance. We lose that
awkward sense of self-consciousness, insecurity and pride. We want to love
others as we are loved ourselves; we want to lift people up, to honor any
small sign of life and growth and vulnerable sharing that we see in our
neighbor.
On our side, this route requires some courage. Courage to become vulnerable. Firstly, vulnerable to acknowledge that we need God, and to seek our fulfillment in Him first. Then, also, courage to become vulnerable with others. Helping and daring to be helped.7 Wasn’t Jesus teaching about this vulnerability in the Beatitudes, and when He spoke about that He came for those who were sick, not for those who considered themselves healthy?
This ultimately leads to quite a different culture in our families, our churches, our communities, yeah, even our countries. It’s a culture were it is safe to be vulnerable and share one’s weaknesses or struggles. A culture where the strong are there to protect and bless the weak. A culture where we all help each other forward to enjoy even more of God’s fullness. A culture where it is great to share the pain and the joy, the sorrow and the blessings. One where it is wonderful to receive and give, because of the abundance of God.
In the Bible we find some marvelous examples of this
alternative culture in full operation. One of those is embodied in the
person of Boaz in the book of Ruth. He is confronted with a foreign woman
who uses the space God’s Torah provided for her, to gather stalks
of grain behind the workers on his field. It was in the season when the
ripe barley was harvested and gathered in. Out of His rich abundance,
God had said: leave some stalks for the poor and the stranger. And then,
she was there, gathering them. Boaz checked: who is she?
(2:5) She appeared to be a foreign widow of an Israelite man.
Now, we have to know that Israelite men were not supposed to marry with
foreign women, lest they would not turn their husbands away from the one
true God, and to their foreign idols. Later, the famous Ezra, the founder
of Judaism, made all Jewish men who had married foreign wives while in
exile, send them away, with their children. Their fate was not important.
It was not even checked whether they served the God of Israel or other
gods.
But here, we have Boaz. He does not judge her for being a foreigner.
He allows her to drink from the water, provided for the mowers and the
reapers, and he even orders his workers to leave some extra stalks
behind for her (2:9, 15-16). He nourishes her at lunchtime (2:14), such
that she has enough to share with her old mother-in-law in the evening.
He takes responsibility for the widow and the stranger. He protects and
nourishes. When Ruth lays herself at his feet at night, vulnerably (Ch.3),
he does not use her for his own pleasure. He could easily have done so.
She had given him enough excuse to do it. No, he extends God’s
ordination of the care of the brother or next-of-kin for an Israelite widow
to this foreign woman, and not to use it - or her - for his own benefit.
He honors her and lifts her up. He counted her in, not out.
What was Boaz’ secret? Why was he so different? I
believe we find small but significant cues throughout the entire story. He
blesses his workers in the great Name of YaHUaH (2:4).8 Using that glorious personal Name of
God was a sign of feeling intimately connected to Him. It also shows where
his Source was. He knew by heart that God YaHUaH is the Source of all
that is good and of all nourishment and welfare. His life – and all
his thoughts and actions – flow from that Source! And on his farm, in
his community, such had become a culture. I conclude that, because we see
his workers do exactly the same. There is a warm gentleness in the entire
picture as the Bible describes it to us.
Another sign that I see is that he investigates quietly and listens
especially to good news about others (e.g. 2:11). He does not rush to
conclusions, but he listens to the other side of the story and he does
believe the positive. He interprets the actions of other people in their
favor (e.g. 3:10), and he protects their name and their honor (3:14). He
provides space for what is good, not just for himself but also for all
others involved (Ch.4). Finally, he gives himself to become the one who
redeems her, after another, closer relative forsook that task out of care
for his own benefit (4:5-6). Redeeming a widow meant that as a man, you
took full care of her and her offspring, while that offspring would bear
the name of her deceased husband. They would forever contribute to his
name and fame, not to yours. It was like you had the duties, but were not
entitled to the benefits. He takes that, with gladness, on himself. He
nourishes and protects. He shows what God-ly family-life and God-ly
community are. He did not avoid risks. I believe on the basis of all the
evidence that he did so, not because of a moral code, but because he
experienced himself nourished and protected by God. As a result, both Ruth
and he were blessed and remembered – even up to this day!
If the image of who Boaz was appeals to you – especially in case you are a man, but also when you are a woman –, I would like to ask you this vital question: do you want to be made like him?
In this day and age, with individualism and avoidance
of attachment and bonding rising to unprecedented levels, the need for
people like Boaz is greater than ever. As alluded to in the inroduction,
society cries out for people who will protect rather than profit from
others. For people who will cooperate with God in helping people become
all that they can be, rather than to shame and degrade them.
But it is a high calling! The way to become a Boaz is not the broad
and easy road. Like I said before: you cannot do it on your own.
It takes becoming vulnerable, first with God, and then also with our
fellow men and women. I takes being willing to be confronted with the
dirt and the mud in our past. And surrendering it all to God in Jesus,
allowing Him to cleanse and renew us. It requires a total re-focus on
Jesus, and communing with Him in full openness about every aspect of our
lives that He brings to the surface. It requires that we assertively take
distance from, and renounce in Jesus’ Name all iniquity and
darkness that surfaces.
It also requires that we take ourselves seriously, like
He does. This may imply that we seek His comfort or His healing in areas
where we got wounded or disappointed, be it relationally, emotionally or
otherwise.
How can we ever honor and uplift others when we feel life has dishonored
us, defamed or shamed our very selves?
Yes, I speak about honor here. Honor and being honored is an important
aspect of human functioning. Here in the West, we lost sight of it, at
least on a conscious plane (sub-consciously, it still plays a bigger role
than we admit). In the Middle East and around the Mediterranean, people are
more conscious of it. Honor has to do with dignity, with character.9 God wants us to honor
Him for Who He is and for what He does (cf. Rom.1). When He created man
in His image, we were created with a similar sensitivity to
dignity and honor. How do women come to give themselves in prostitution
or the porn business, where there is no dignity, no honor? How do men
come to visit prostitutes or to spend thousands of Euro’s, Dollars,
Yen or whatever on porn or other degrading addictions? It is often, after
they felt robbed of all their dignity anyway already!
So, it is of vital importance to have our sense of dignity and honor
restored! And who can do so better than the greatest and most dignified
Being of all the universe? When He says “Yes!” to and
about us, who can contradict Him? See how Jesus – during the time
when He physically walked on the face of this earth – treated people
who were shamed and degraded by His contemporary spiritual leaders. See
how He treated Zacheus, the tax collector, commonly despised for his
collaboration with Rome and for his theft from his fellow Israelites.
Jesus honored him and said He wanted fellowship with him, by inviting
Himself to dinner with this man. See how He treated the Samaritan woman
who came out to the well at mid-day to avoid the shaming looks of her
neighbors in town. There was no shaming in Jesus towards these people, ever.
Without exception, He restored their dignity and honored them. He can do
it in your life as well! Have someone pray with you for this, if you find
it difficult to do so on your own. Receive the Aaronic priestly blessing and enjoy our
heavenly Father’s gladness over you! Allow Him to warm any cold
spot in your heart.
A following step is to share with others what you receive
from God. Bless them, listen to their stories. Bless them possibly also
with words that help them to identify with God’s great vision for
their lives.
Proverbs 3:27 says: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is
due, when it is in your power to do it.” When we try to do good out
of following a moral code, we will fail under adversity. When we do good
from the abundance we, ourselves, have received and continue to receive
from God, we continue – even under adversity, for the power of God is
greater than any power of the adversary.
When you experience that God is becoming a safe haven to you, ask Him to whom you can be a safe haven as His representative here. That way, we build community. A mutually loving community, where the Spirit of God can dwell in abundance. A safe and encouraging community that will set each participant free to be and to grow and to become ... all that God has in mind for us.
Within close communities like this, expect to get tested. Recently, I heard a mother say: “I thought I was a patient person until motherhood revealed my true colors.” But in a safe community, build not on performance but on the grace and truth of God, this is to our benefit. Every weakness that is thus revealed cannot degrade us, because God’s grace is greater. Thus, it is only just like a dirty piece of laundry you find somewhere in your house: it doesn’t surprise you – things get dirty in this world, don’t they? So, you don’t fuss about it, or degrade or shame yourself or others because of it, you just put it in the washing machine! In this case: you bring the weakness in contact with God. There’s a great blessing in admitting one’s vulnerability and our need for cleansing, restoration and renewal to God and ask Him to do in us what we cannot do ourselves. And He will work it out! Our challenge is to remain close to Him, wherever He leads. What motivates me to do so is the same as what motivated Peter to stay with Jesus: “Only You, Jesus, have words of Life!” In the process, my appetite for more of Him in my life is increasing, and my appetite for what cannot satisfy is diminishing... slowly but steadily. Thanks be to Him! Hallelu YaH! May it be so for you as well! Jesus deserves it!
| 1 | Another source attributes the phrase to Barbara Kruger. |
| 2 | The Bible uses two words, two notions in particular, to describe the
Character of God. They are reflected by the Hebrew words chesed -
goodness, kindness, grace; and ’emet - faithfulness, loyalty,
truth. See The Character of God — חסד ואמת - chesed we ’emet - grace
and truth/faithfulness, Hallelu-YaH website, July 2015.
Often, it starts with that we taste something of the graceful and true Character of God through someone who has dwelt in His Presence a lot. I have heard from various people that this is what made them hunger for more of God, and what introduced them to the practicing of God’s lovely presence on a daily basis. In case you like to know more of what it means to practice the presence of God, I also recommend the books by Leanne Payne on this - see the 'For further reading'-section below. |
| 3 | That is exactly what the Hebrew name Eden means. |
| 4 | See Romans 5: 10. |
| 5 | See also Gordon Dalbey, Religion versus Reality – Facing the Home Front in Spiritual Warfare, Civitas Press, San Jose CA, USA, 2013; ISBN 978 0615924045; p. 250. |
| 6 | In his book Abba’s Child, Brennan Manning illustrates this
by the contrast between a pharisee-like impostor on the one hand and an
unspoiled child on the other. His book urges us to search to listen to the
heartbeat of Jesus, like John did, lying at Jesus’ bossom. See: Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child – the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado (USA), 1994. |
| 7 | On the issue of becoming vulnerable, we can learn a lot from the excellent teaching of Brene Brown in her renowned TED-talk video (a transcript is available as well). |
| 8 | The glorious Name of God I presented here - as well as I could - from the
oldest Hebrew original, instead of replacing this grand personal Name of The
Most High by a common word, such as ‘Lord’. For more background
information on this see these articles, that I published on the Hallelu-YaH website: ‘Life, security and belonging in joyful adoration, from the hand of God’  ,
brief article about the Biblical Name of God in the earliest Hebrew (old
Semitic) script, January 2011.‘The Shema‘ – the First Testament declaration of faith (1)’, February 2012. ‘The wonderful and lovely Name of the God Who was there, Who is there, and Who will be there’ , extensive study, July 2009. |
| 9 | There’s an important distinction to be made here, and that is between
having dignity and being deserving. God loves us. That gives
us dignity. When our king Willem Alexander of the Netherlands, at that time
still prince, had laid his eyes on the Argentinian lady Máxima Zorreguieta,
and announced that he was about to marry her, it gave her dignity - the
dignity of a Dutch princess. When the Almighty God says He loves us, it
gives us dignity. Period. What we deserve, on the other hand, has to do with our performance. On the basis of our poor performance we may feel shame and doubt whether we deserve God’s love. But then we put the cart before the horse. In God’s Kingdom, according to the laws of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ, all starts with Him and His Character - love, grace, faithfulness, etc. Being the object of His love, is what gives us dignity. That is to be our starting point. Then, experiencing that, that dignity helps us to see that some things – what the Bible calls: sins – do not fit our dignity. They then become repulsive to engage in. It’s not so much a moral decision, as it’s an incompatibility with the dignity of our heart that makes us turn away from sin. This is the process of sanctification. It is important to start at the right place, and not try to let the cart pull the horse... |
Sometimes, when I speak about these things, I get the
question about the necessity of correction: “Shouldn’t we
confront sin and set proper boundaries in our family, our church, our
community?” My answer to that question is simple. “Yes, it is
good to call sin and iniquity just what it is.” What matters even more
is how we view the one who sinned. Look at how Jesus treated the woman who
was brought to him because of adultery. He did not shame her, He shamed the
ones who shamed her and who were ready to stone her to death. He did not
condemn her or degrade her at all. Yet, He did not for even one second call
her sin small or that it did not matter. He said: go and sin no more! In
His view, the evil of adultery simply did not fit her dignity and her high
calling! Even as He saved her life, He made her go home with a new sense of
dignity for herself and her marriage that was worthy to be protected.
And besides..., the Bible teaches that it is the Holy Spirit who makes us
conscious of sin. We do not need each other in the first place to do that. We
may need each other to encourage us to listen to the Spirit well!
See also note 9 here above.
 |
Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child – the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado (USA), 1994.
Andrew Comiskey, Strength in Weakness – Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove (IL, USA), 2003; ISBN: 0 8308 2368 9.
John Piper, Seeing and Savouring Jesus Christ, Crossway / Good News Publ., Wheaton, 2001.
Gordon Dalbey, Sons of the Father – Healing the Father Wound in Men Today, Civitas Press, San Jose CA, USA, 1992, 1996, 2011; ISBN 978 0615521305.
Gordon Dalbey, Religion versus Reality – Facing the Home Front in Spiritual Warfare, Civitas Press, San Jose CA USA, 2013; ISBN 978 0615924045.
Leanne Payne, Crisis in masculinity, Crossway Books / Good News Publ., Westchester (IL, USA), 1985 / Kingsway, Eastbourne E.-Sussex GB, 1988.
Lin Button, Father Matters, HPS, Essex, UK, 2009.
Leanne Payne, Restoring the christian soul – through healing prayer (Overcoming the three great barriers to personal and spiritual completion in Christ), Crossway Books, Wheaton (IL, USA), 1991; ISBN 0 89107 625 5.
Warren Wiersbe, Be compassionate – A call to be more like the Saviour – an expository study of Luke 1-13, SP / Victor, Wheaton (IL, USA), 1988; ISBN: 0 89693 591 4.
Mary Pytches, Yesterday’s Child – Understanding & healing present problems by examining the past, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1990; ISBN-10: 0 340 52273 9 / 0 340 64286 6; ISBN-13: 978 0 340 64286 3.
J. Oswald Sanders, Enjoying intimacy with God, Moody Press, Chicago (USA), 1980.
J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness – the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids (MI, USA), 1990.
John Ernest Sanders, The God Who risks – A theology of providence, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove (IL, USA), 1998; ISBN: 0 8308 1501 5.
David A. Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap – Letting Go of the Need to Achieve (earlier editions titled: Healing Grace), Victor Books, SP Publications (USA), 1988; ISBN: 978 0 8969 3986 8.
A.W. Tozer, The knowledge of the Holy – The attributes
of God: their meaning in the Christian life (), Harper SanFrancisco, USA,
1961/1978 / James Clarke & Co / STL, Bromley, GB, 1976/77; ISBN:
0 06068412 7; re-issued by HarperOne, 1992; ISBN: 978 0 060698652.
A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God (1949), Christian Publications, 1982; ISBN: 978 1 60066015 3.
A.W. Tozer, God tells the man who cares, Christian Publications, Harrisburg (PA USA), 1970.
A.W. Tozer (compiled & edited by Gerald B. Smith), Jesus, Author of Our Faith, Christian Publications, Camp Hill (PA, USA), 1988; ISBN: 0 87509 406 6.
A.W. Tozer, Keys to the deeper life, Clarion Classics, Zondervan, Grand Rapids (MI, USA), 1988; ISBN: 0 310 33361 X (revised & expanded edition of: Leaning into the wind, Creation House, 1957 / 1984).
Charles Sibthorpe, A man under authority – qualities of Christian leadership, Kingsway, Eastbourne, Great Britain, 1984.
Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace – healing the shame we don’t deserve, HarperSanFrancisco, Zondervan / HarperCollins (USA), 1993; ISBN: 978 0 06067522 6.
Charles R. Swindoll, The Grace awakening, Word (USA), 1990.
Paul E. Billheimer, Destined for the Throne – A new look at the Bride of Christ, Christian Literature Crusade, Fort Washington PA, USA, 1975; ISBN: 0 87508 014 6 / Baker / Bethany House, 2005; ISBN: 978 0 76420 035 9.
Judson Cornwall & Michael S.B. Reid, Whose love is it anyway?, Sharon, Pilgrims Hatch Brentwood Essex GB, 1991.
Sandra D. Wilson, Into Abba’s Arms – Finding the acceptance you’ve always wanted, Tyndale House, Wheaton (IL, USA), 1998; ISBN: 0 8423 2473 9.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus – reflections on Christian leadership, Crossroad, New York USA, 198x.
Sandra D. Wilson, Released from shame – Recovery for adult children of dysfunctional families (ACDF's), People Helper Books series (Gary R. Collins, ed.), InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove (IL, USA), 1990.
Sandra D. Wilson, Shame-free parenting – Are you trying to love your children a lot when you don’t like yourself even a little?, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove (IL, USA), 1992.
Floyd McClung jr, The Father Heart of God, 1984.
Josh McDowell (with Ed Stewart), The Disconnected Generation – Saving Our Youth from Self Destruction, Word (Thomas Nelson), Nashville, 2000; ISBN: 0 8499 4077 X (see an impression of this book, at the publisher).
Leonard E. LeSourd, Strong Men, Weak Men – Godly strength and the male identity, Chosen Books, Fleming H. Revell, Old Tappan (NJ, USA), 1990.
For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can also contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
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