Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God
|
Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God |
Attachment: Key to Healthy Living through Adequate Affect Regulation |
2007-02-22This article deals with the relationship between early attachment, affect regulation - the skill to deal well with our emotions - and emotional and relational health. It is my hope that it will give some direction in pastoral help or psychotherapy and in the therapeutic climate between counselee and counselor.
In my studies in psychology and pastoral care, as well as in my
practice and daily life, I have come across a broad spectrum of
what could be called dysfunctional behaviours.
Some people have troubles with addictions - be it addictions to alcohol,
work, sex, food (food in general: eating too much or too little; or
specific kinds of food: cafeïne, sweets, chocolate, to name just
a few), dysfunctional relationships (as in codependency) or whatever.
I've met people who struggle with severe dissociations.
At crucial moments they 'are not there'.
This can either be influenced by consciousness or it can be a totally
unconscious reaction to something they are not aware of.
Others struggle with compulsiveness or obsessions: thinking or acting
in a ritual way, over and again, not being able to stop.
Again still others abuse or maltreat their loved ones or their own
bodies (as in self-injury).
In this article I investigate with you what has led people to these
behaviours.
We shall see, that attachment, connection and affect regulation skills -
skills to deal well with our emotions - have a lot to do with this.
Varied as these behaviours may look at first sight, in most - if
not all - of these I have come to see one specific common denominator.
One purpose that all of them somehow seem to serve.
One thing these people all seem to have in common.
The one thing these people have in common is this: an inability to deal
with intense affects (emotions, as you will), often combined with a
history that has intensified their emotional sensitivity.
In other words: they share having problems with affect regulation.
Where others experience less intense affects and have somehow acquired
the skills to deal with their emotions in a fruitful manner, these
people have the experience that strong affects can overwhelm them like
ocean waves rolling over a boat that is too small to withstand them.
So, what they do (or their unconsciousness does) is to find ways to
either numb their feelings or find something that gives even stronger
more positive sensations, thus blocking out the ones that are (or once
have been) experienced as overwhelming.
One might ask: How does this relate to the behaviours I hinted to?
In people who were traumatized early in life, you often see the
dissociations I mentioned.
The traumatic experience was too painful to live with, so the unconscious
protected the conscious life by blocking out the ugly memories.
With that, a pattern was set to hide, so to speak, from unwanted
affects.
As a result of this, life may become dull and boring in a sense -
a reason for some to engage in (often riskful) activities that give back
to them a sense of 'being alive' again.
In some cases, this is a basis for the obsessions or addictions or for
the self-injury that I mentioned.
In other cases - those where dissociation is absent or plays a less
prominent role -, these behaviours are chosen to get away from emotions
that are perceived as overwhelming, unpleasant or unwanted.
The fact that these emotions once were overwhelming, plays an important
role in this, as does the fact that in the early childhood there was
insufficient acquisition of skills to deal with emotions in a fruitful way.
Alcohol and drugs are famous for 'lifting your mind off your troubles' -
at least temporarily (that you have more troubles the next morning is
another chapter and often an additional reason why addictions get going
in the first place).
In sex our own bodies produce 'drugs' that can be at least as
powerful as chemical 'drugs'. Even in intense physical exercise our
bodies can release these 'mood altering substances'.
Engaging in one's work at a very high intensity during all one's waking
hours (often combined with reducing sleeping hours) also is a 'great way'
to distract our mind and not feel the troubles or emotions.
Often, it goes hand in hand with seeking promotion in a 'driven' way -
which itself can be traced to finally find the approval one never got
as a child; and thus to get rid of the feelings of inadequacy many
experience but find hard to atmit.
"If only I had better coping skills?!!" is a sigh I
once heard from someone who self-injured.
That brings us to the question: why do some 'need' these 'mood altering'
substances or behaviours, while others are doing fine without them?
As described in the article on Family
Life and Personality Development, attachment to the parents
plays a vital role in the first years of life with regard to personality
development.
Through secure attachment to his/her mother and father, a child ideally
learns to trust: first them, then God, him/herself and others.
The face of the loving mother is unique in communicating peace amidst
the emotional storms a newborn faces (from internal - bodily - sensations
as well as from an overdose of external stimuli).
The fact that she is not overwhelmed herself (partly due to the security
she experiences in her relationship with God and her husband), gives the
baby a sense that all these intense experiences are not going to
overwhelm him or her.
And the fact that she names those experiences ("Ah, are you sad now?
What is the matter?" or: "Oh, how hungry you are... of course
you are hungry! Here, let me feed you... now that's better, isn't it?")
further helps the baby to accept his/her emotions and see them as signals
and not as threats.
In this way he/she learns not to be upset by his/her (possibly sometimes
strong) affects but to deal with them in an adequate manner – even
benefitting from them and using them.
By this, he or she also acquires coping skills - in the first place social
ones (coping by connection to God and significant others), but also
other coping styles are strongly enhanced in this process, as the secure
attachment helps the baby to experiment and be him- or herself amidst
varying circumstances.
In a situation of insecure attachment, where, for example, the mother
herself feels insecure and is frightened by the emotions of her baby,
the baby lacks the peace and feedback that he or she needs to acquire /
learn these affect regulation skills.
These children miss the visual and tactile exchange of love between mother
and child that contributes so enormously to the emerging sense of self;
to what Leanne Payne so aptly calls the 'sense of being'.
As brain research has revealed: the difference to the securely attached
child is visible even biologically in the right brain, responsible for
both relational functioning and affect regulation.
Just as missing early secure attachment robs the child of the opportunity to start to learn good affect regulation skills, early trauma robs the child of the secure attachment and basic trust to proceed further in this process. In traumatic experiences the child learns that this world is not a safe place to be. Added to that setback is the phenomenon that trauma is often accompanied by strong affects. This counts all the more for the traumatic experiences of sexual abuse. Sex is related to strong emotions and bodily sensations, which can be quite overwhelming when aroused before the child is ready for them. As noted before, sex can release very strong 'drugs' in the brain. Feelings of pleasure as well as disgust, of finally receiving some 'love' as well as being overpowered and abused mingle in a hurricane of unknown affects, leaving the child not only helpless against the abuser, but also helpless in his or her own affectual state. As a result, any subsequent trigger to one of all of these feelings, may trigger this utter helplessness, and thus are avoided at all cost.
By the way: This is why I have seen people seemingly 'slide back' into self-injurous or addictive behaviour while 'well on their way' in therapy. As the deep subconscious dissociative reactions are diminishing due to an increasing sense of belonging (connection/attachment) and safety (shalom), the originally subconsciously avoided 'heaviest' feelings start to surface once again. As the fear of being overwhelmed (as in the original trauma) is so persistent, another way is subconsciously sought to prevent these feelings from fully surfacing (to avoid feeling so helpless again). By processing these fears openly in the therapeutic setting - which needs an enormeous amount of grace on the sides of both the therapist and the counselee him- or herself -, new experiences can be built that demonstrate the ability of the adult survivor to learn to deal with the strong affects in a good way. In this setting, transference of fears for the perpetrator onto the counselor is not something ugly to be avoided; no, on the contrary, it can be a very useful tool in the hands of a skillful and secure counselor, as it often gives such a rich insight into the affects that where avoided - an insight not otherwise attainable.
As long as the trauma remains unhealed, survivors will most often try to 'fix' their unpredictable affects (or the lack of them; due to dissociation) by the type of behaviours mentioned earlier, all meant as familiar ways (albeit often dysfunctional ways) of trying to regulate strong affect (or the absence of it). I have noted that the type of behaviour chosen is often linked to the way the parents dealt with trouble in their home. If every trouble was ended by crude spanking (read: physical abuse) of a child, after which a 'seemingly peaceful' situation came about, the survivor may succumb to self-injury. If the child had the idea that by strictly abiding to certain (unwritten) 'rules', the chosen way of dealing with unwanted affects may be any kind of obsession or compulsion. If a substance was used to 'regain peace' (e.g. giving the child sweets or an icecream to 'silence it'), the survivor will look for a substance to ease his or her pain (be it chocolate or alcohol or whatever). Survivors of childhood sexual abuse may succumb to heavy masturbation or severe codependency or sexually 'loose' behaviour to keep their 'peace'.
In all of these cases, the primal role of a counselor towards
someone struggling with these issues is to help the survivor find
true peace and security through attachment - precisely the way it
should have been learned in the first years, in the first place.
Yes, I believe that healing comes through (re-)connecting and
finding basic safety (true peace; shalom) in the relationship with
God, which is often build up through the relationship with a kind
of 'parental' figure, like a counselor or trusted (and already more
secure) friend.
As noted before, transference can play an important part in this,
as it reveals the unconscious fears and feared affects.
On the part of the therapist or pastoral worker, attuned empathy
is key - in particular: so called 'primary-level accurate
empathy'.
The goal of this is 'to communicate to the [counselee] that
the [counselor] understands his[/her] world from the [counselee’s]
perspective; such empathy deals both with feelings and with the
behaviours and experiences underlying these feelings... [and] helps
establish trust and rapport and increases the level of the
[counselee’s] self exploratory behaviour', as I saw it phrased
somewhere quite accurately.
Or, as the Bible says: "weep with those who weep, laugh with those
who laugh", we must attune our affects to those of our friend
or counselee.
It is through letting the survivor see and experience in the
relationship how we deal with those same affects, how we do not
avoid them, how we do not fear either those affects or being overwhelmed
by them, that we sow true peace in the deep heart (the unconscious guard)
of the survivor.
Full attunement - cognitively as well as emotionally - to the other person is essential here. In this way we give what Anna Terruwe named: 'restrained love' - a love that looks carefully at the other, as if standing in his / her shoes, and gives what the other can receive and in the form in which it can be received, to the extend it can be received.
An important aspect of this empathic way of relating is affirming and validating the other. Naturally, we often try to correct each other in areas where we think the other is out of balance. We try to cheer up a sad person, etcetera. The Bible points us to quite a different road: "Cry with those who cry, be glad with those who are glad". By crying or whatever with the other (joining in their emotions) we validate each other; we say: rightfully you cry, are glad, or whatever is the situation. And we give the other entitlement to his or her own emotions: "Yes, you may feel this way right now!" We communicate implicitly that those emotions in themselves are not evil or harmful - that we trust that the other will deal with them in a good way. This often works as a self fulfilling prophecy: precisely by the trust we gave, the other is enabled to deal well with the emotions. This can be a first step in a positive spiral to more and more trust and a growing skillfulness in affect regulation.
In and through the non-verbal communication around our co-processing of these affects with them (right brain to right brain communication), we ease their subconscious fears and provide them with opportunities to learn and acquire the affect handling skills they so badly need. In this way, they can model their own feelings and behaviours after what they see us do in similar affectual states. Emotionally as well as in terms of time and personal investment, this may be a challenging task. May God help and bless us in that!
Grace and the need for an anesthetic
(Warning for survivors: some material in this paragraph may be triggering!)When someone has to undergo a surgical operation - e.g. to remove a foreign object from his or her body - we find it quite natural that the person receives an anesthetic, not to feel the excruciating pain of the operation.
On the other hand, how do we consider someone on whose emotional life God is performing a very deep-going and at least as excruciatingly painful operation? Shouldn't he or she be allowed an anesthetic in a similar way? I see it as a terrible mistake, showing no real contact with God's grace, when others refuse these people any anesthetic.
During the process of uncovering and healing painful emotions and traumatic experiences, people will often simply need some form of pain relief. After all, it isn't for nothing that they grabbed the bottle, or started overworking or unjuring their bodies, as we noted before. These behaviours served the purpose of pain-killing or anesthesia. And I see God acknowledging this in His grace. For - indeed - often He is so much more graceful than we tend to be! I think of that verse in Proverbs, where it is said that a king should not drink wine because he needs a clear head to take wise decisions. Instead, it is said, give wine to those who are heavily troubled, so as to let them at least temporarily forget their troubles (i.e. lessen their pain).
One clear distinction needs to be made here. The verse from Proverbs doesn't say: 'let the troubled one get drunk and risk the life of him- or herself and many others by driving drunk'. Some of the pain-relieving behaviours I mentioned may be quite 'innocent' while others may threaten the lives of the survivors themselves or those of other people around. So, in counseling, it may be absolutely necessary to set very clear boundaries: no life-threatening behaviours allowed!
Within that boundary, a counselor can help the survivor/counselee to find more 'healthy' ways of pain relief. I was talking about the use of alcohol. In that context I remember Melody Beattie - well known expert on addictions - telling about AA-meetings, how the cigarette or cigar smoke can be quite thick there. She says this to illustrate how often one addiction is replaced by another, especially as long as the underlying pain isn't healed yet. Smoking is not healthy, but when done temporarily as a replacement for drinking, it may be more healthy than that, and less life-threatening to others as well, as I think of all the casualties of drunken drivers or domestic violence related to drunkenness.
I once heard from a grace-ful counselor who had advised a woman who would often cut in her wrists to ease her emotional pain and regain some sense of aliveness from her physical pain, to put an elastic band around her wrist, pull it and release it in a snap. It hurts similarly to the cutting, but is far less life-threatening. The woman never needed to be rushed to the hospital anymore (as happened twice before, when her life was just saved that way thanks to a by-passing friend who had found her just in time), and after half a year of counseling, she could do without the rubber bands as well.
When we focus on the grief in God's heart over the brokenness and pain in one of His beloved, we become grace-ful and find ways, under His guidance, to relieve some of that pain. This may at first be ways that are less than perfect, but yet better than the ways used so far. I have never been in favor of psychopharmaceutical drugs, because they do not solve anything (on their own), as I used to say. But I have come to see that in some cases a psychopharmaceutical drug, prescribed by a wise psychiatrist, may be of help for a time, as it eases the pain and gives some space for deeper healing to occur. In other cases, it may be appropriate to bless the person with the grace, the peace and the love of God, as a protective blanket warming them and easing the pain. Some people may have a trusted friend that they can call, who can bless them in such a way, when they feel 'the water rising'. A sense of belonging and the experience: 'someone cares' can be very good at easing the most heavy moments of pain. This way, we can help survivors find better ways of coping with their pain, in a step-by-step fashion.
Another important feature of fruitful counseling is a certain lightness.
I have put that under this heading of 'grace', because the two are so
closely connected.
Even the Dutch word for grace ('genade') and a Dutch (Yiddish) word
for 'joy' or 'fun' ('gein') are etymologically related.
It is well known that humor can relax otherwise tense situations,
and take away fear.
This is one of the important lessons we can learn from our Jewish
'brothers'.
In difficult times, they are famous for surviving on the light jokes
they even make about themselves.
Not taking oneself too serious helps the counselor to relax and not
work him- or herself into a burn-out, and it helps the counselee in
daring to take reasonable risks (to his or her idea) while learning
to tolerate, regulate and use his or her so far denied feelings and
emotions.
Here too, we have to align ourselves with that utterly caring and
grace-ful God.
When I realize how vulnerable I am, and at the same time, how
the Holy Spirit can work in and through me, I often am surprised.
Talking about the work of the Holy Spirit: isn't the fruit of Him
in us characterized by such characteristics as love, joy and peace?
And isn't He Himself compared to a gentle dove?
Feelings and emotions are important. We cannot live without them.
God Himself has feelings, we read in His Word: the Bible (see e.g.
Ps.2:4,5 laughing, anger; Gen.6:6 regret, sorrow; John 11:35 sorrow;
John 17:13, Luke 15:5 gladness; James 4:5 jealousy).
Emotions have an important signal function and they are important
because they have a profound influence on our daily life.
On the other hand, we often tend to avoid feelings because they are
perceived as capricious and chaotic, maybe even frightening.
That has - at least partly - to do with that we are not very familiar
with them.
Some people never experienced how one can deal with emotions in a
constructive way - emotions in general of certain groups of them.
In Dutch we have an expression that says: 'unknown makes un-loved'.
Something that can help people to learn to deal well with emotions,
is making them eligible and open to be discussed.
For that, we need language and explanation.
For, wat do we mean when we say, as an example: "I am angry!"
Is that to announce that all kind of furniture or household apparel is
going to fly through the house?
For some, the word 'angry' or 'mad' may well have that kind of
connotations!
So, a lot of explanation about what one can feel, how that is called and
what kind of behaviour is and is not to follow logically, et cetera, can
be called for!
In such an 'discovery tour in the world of the emotions' it often
happens, that someone has many words for one type of feeling, and no or
almost no words for another type (compare how an Eskimo has several words
for snow while someone from central Africa doesn't know snow and so may
not know a single word for it).
As an aid in expressing emotions, there are various websites that feature
lists of feelings-words.
 |
| Diagram: Seven categories of emotions |
In the lower half of the diagram there are three groups as well. These are emotions that we often label as 'negative' because we find them harder to handle well. Whether they really are 'negative', still is another matter...
These are the six main categories.
Next to these, I discern a seventh, often neglected category, that
could be labeled 'emotionless' or 'unclear':
Note that the three emotions in the lower half of the diagram correspond more or less to the three reactions to threatening or adverse circumstances in one's life: fleeing, hiding and fighting (left to right). I find it remarkable, to see that this correspondence can indeed be observed in many people: knowing their most used coping style (of the three above) you can predict their most felt emotions from the lower half of the diagram, and knowing those dominant emotions, you can quite accurately predict their dominant coping style. Specially, the correspondence between 'anger' and 'fighting' is significant. This in itself can be a reason to teach people with problems in assertiveness the value of the emotion 'anger' (and all associates in that group).
Note: Other divisions are possible as well. In her book about dealing with emotions, Mary Pytches uses a division into eight groups: four 'positive' ones: love, hope, peace and joy; and four 'negative' ones: anger, fear, guilt and sadness (Mary Pytches, 2000, p.31). The negative ones she relates to not achieving our goals: anger with a blocked goal, fear with an insecure goal, sadness with an unreachable goal and guilt and shame with one's own failings in reaching the goal. I do not regard love as an emotion; the emotions that we erroneously call 'love', are represented well in the uppe half of the diagram above (sometimes love may also be represented in feelings in the lower half: think of anger towards a disobedient child risking its life). abusievelijk 'liefde' noemen, zijn in de bovenste helft van de figuur Something similar countsfor guilt: guilt is a moral thing, not a feeling. Guiltfeelings have to do with fear (e.g. for punishment of other consequences of what we did or didn't do), or with sadness or anger (e.g. about something that again didn't succeed), so these also fall within the three lower half categories in the diagram above.
Psychological research of the last decades discovers ever more clearly
how many dysfunctional patterns of behaviour can be traced down to, or
at least are related to a lack of skills in affect regulation - in common
language: skills in handling emotions.
In other words: a lot of 'strange' behaviour - such as various addictions,
severe forms of dissociation, sel-injury or abuse of others - is often
caused by the person not knowing how to deal constructively with his
or her emotions and feelings.
It also has been discovered, that patterns of attachment in childhood have
a large impact on the formation of good emotion-handling or affect
regulation skills.
So, the quality of early attachment determines what has been named:
'ego-strength', 'resilience' and 'self-capacities': the skills to deal well
with emotions and difficult situations, ot the lack of these skills.
The presence of these skills, in turn, determines the extend to which
someone can function in an emotionally and relationally healthy way.
They determine a very great deal of the boundary between psychological
health and psychopathology.
Some people already grow up with insecure attachment in the first
place.
Many of these as well as some others fall prey to further traumatic
experiences during infancy, in their teenage years or in later life -
experiences that can further deter or hamper their sense of attachment
and connection.
In this article I have talked about the influence this has on the formation
and training (or absence thereof) of skills to deal with emotions in a
constructive way, and the dysfunctional behaviours that can result from
that - from addictions to abuse of self or others.
I have also given some hints and suggestions with regard to pastoral
or psychotherapeutic intervention strategies that can help a trauma
survivor or otherwise insecurely attached counselee find the
resources that are necessary to acquire the affect regulation
skills that are indispensable for psychologically, emotionally and
relationally healthy living.
During the years, I have often wondered why some pastoral and
psychotherapeutic approaches and counselors are so much more effective
than others with regard to helping survivors of childhood trauma.
More recently, I have come to see or believe that the above is one of
the most important reasons behind this, if not THE reason.
A pastoral worker or therapist who is secure in his or her own
attachments (to God and others), in other words: one who is fully in
touch with the grace and peace of God, can be grace-ful and tolerate
so much more chaotic affect transference and can afford to step out
of his/her own shoes for a while and into the shoes of the counselee.
He or she can help calm the affectual turmoil and affirm the real
person hiding deep inside because of past hurts.
I believe this explains - at least in part (there is also the sovereign
work of God in this!) - why approaches such as the ‘helping by blessing’
approach of Téo van der Weele are so successful in treating
survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
In his unique way, Téo focuses precisely on the topic of
'grace and peace' (shalom) in his pastoral work and pastoral training
courses (see
Téo van der Weele's books: From Shame to Peace and
Helping by Blessing).
Something similar could be said about the 'affirmative' or
'encouragement' approaches that so many people like Anna Terruwe,
Thomas Gordon and Alfred Adler - to name just a few from quite
distinct 'schools' and eras - have deviced, each giving it their
own specific and unique 'flavour'.
Judy McLaughlin-Ryan, 'The Use of the Dyadic Affective-State
Relationship (ASR) in the Treatment of the Post-Traumatic Stress Disordered
Adult Molested as a Child',
on the website of The American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress.
Note: the writer suggests an approach to the treatment of PTSS
(in particular: people who suffer from PTSS because of childhood abuse)
on the basis of a kind of 'adoption' of traumatic affects from the
counselee by the counselor, in which the counselor then 'precedes' the
counselee in re-finding a state of emotional balance and peace.
Though somewhat 'unconventional', I do recognize both the theoretical
background and the practical effectiveness of such an approach.
It requires a lot of inner safety (secure attachment) and 'right brain'
communication skills from the counselor, though, and is certainly
incompatible with a narrow restriction to logical (left brain)
reasoning and (only) verbal communication!
Deborah A. Lott, Brain Development, Attachment and Impact on Psychic Vulnerability, Psychiatric Times Vol. XV, Issue 5, May 1998. The author refers to Allan N. Schore (A.N. Schore, 'Early organization of the nonlinear right brain and development of a predisposition to psychiatric disorders', Development and Psychopathology, 9, 1997, p.595-631) as follows:
Schore conceptualizes psychobiological attunement as "direct right brain to right brain communication" in which the mother's right brain, "involved in the unconscious expression and processing of emotional information," serves as a template for the infant's developing neural circuitry. ...
... numerous psychotherapy outcome studies have shown that when patients recount what was most helpful about psychotherapy, they don't often recall specific interpretations or insights. What they remember is the quality of the relationship, the way it felt to be in the room with the therapist or to share a mutual gaze -- experiences reminiscent of early attunement.
Frances Thomson-Salo, Campbell Paul, Ann Morgan, Sarah Jones,
Brigid Jordan, Michele Meehan, Sue Morse and Andrew Walker,
‘Free to be playful’: therapeutic work with
infants, Infant Observation Journal: The International Journal
of Infant Observation and its Applications, Vol 3, 1999, p.47-62.
The authors of this article write a.o.:
We want here to say something about the power of gaze and of play to have a therapeutic effect on the infant. Mothers describe how, after delivery, their baby fastens on to them with their eyes from the moment of being handed to them, trying to take in with sight someone who was already known long ago in a different way. This cross-modal perception contributes enormously to the emerging sense of self. Genevieve Haag and her colleagues (1994) describe observers watching premature babies and after the observation the readings showed the oxygen saturation was significantly improved, as the infant feels held in the observer's gaze. Observation is also used by Margaret Cohen (1995) with premature babies, and the nurses tell her, 'The babies like you coming.' Infants are aware of the special quality of the clinician’s gaze, with its thoughtfulness and playfulness. Looking in order to understand the infant’s experience is felt differently from simply looking at the infant. 'Looking thoughtfully at' an infant, whether as part of an infant observation or as part of clinical work, will most often be enough for the infant to feel they have received something of value, to introject as a good object. When the infant knows someone has come to look at them, trying to understand them, gaze becomes tremendously important in the development of self and other. Current research (Schore, 1994, 1996) bears out the infant’s need to be in contact with a thinking mind for optimal development.
Regarding the concept of 'primary level accurate empathy'
I came across some excellent training material in:
Gerard V. Egan, 'The component parts of primary-level accurate empathy',
in:Exercices in helping skills: A training manual to accompany The
skilled helper, Brooks/Cole, Belmont, California, USA, 1975; pp.23-57;
see also: Richard G. Erskine,
'Beyond Empathy: A Therapy of
Contact-in-Relationship', an article on the website of Erskine, after
the book by himself and Janet P. Moursund, and Rebecca L. Trautmann,
by that same title.
In AA and similar groups (like the ACA - the Adult Children Anonymous), a lot of useful material is available on the subject of this article. See for example the ACA site, with, a.o.: Guide to Expressing Feelings, Defenses We Use (or The Ways We Avoid Our Feelings), and ACOA/DF Characteristics, .
In a vast deal of the literature on addictions, it is signalled that
below the addiction, there is the issue of an inability to regulate
(strong) affect. See e.g.:
Aviel Goodman, 'Sexual Addiction: Diagnosis and Treatment',
Psychiatric Times, October 1998, Vol. XV, Issue 10.
Colin A. Ross, 'Self-Blame & Addiction',
Paradigm, Spring 2002, p.14,15,18
(
document in pdf format, to be read with
Adobe Reader™).
Elsewhere, I found the same to be true for people who abuse others,
as in:
Jay Adams, 'Victim Issues Key To Effective
Sex Offender Treatment', Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity,
Vol. 10, Number 1, 2003.
For further theoretical underpinnings, I refer to:
Allan N. Schore, 'The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right
Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health',
Infant Mental Health Jl, 2001, 22, pp.7-66.
Allan N. Schore, 'The Effects of Early Relational Trauma on Right Brain
Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health',
Infant Mental Health Jl, 2001, 22, pp.201-269.
Allan N. Schore, 'Dysregulation of the right brain: A fundamental
mechanism of traumatic attachment and the psychopathogenesis
of posttraumatic stress disorder', Australian and New Zealand Jl
of Psychiatry, 2002, 36, pp.9-30.
His conclusion in this article is in itself already quite revealing:
Disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment, a pattern common in infants abused in the first two years of life, is psychologically manifest as an inability to generate a coherent strategy for coping with relational stress. Early abuse negatively impacts the developmental trajectory of the right brain, dominant for attachment, affect regulation, and stress modulation, thereby setting a template for the coping deficits of both mind and body that characterize PTSD symptomatology. These data suggest that early intervention programs can significantly alter the intergenerational transmission of postttraumatic stress disorders.
Pamela J. Deiter, Sarah S. Nicholls & Laurie Anne Pearlman, 'Self-Injury and Self Capacities: Assisting an Individual
in Crisis', Jl. of Clinical Psychology, Vol.56, Nr.9, 2000,
p.1173-91 ( document in pdf format, readable with Adobe
Reader™).
Some significant citations from this (boldface added):
"Providers are better able to help when they understand the psychological meanings and functions of self-injury. They can help by exploring the meanings and purposes of the behavior and assisting the client in developing short-term strategies for managing distress -- specifically, the distress around interpersonal connection, affect and self-esteem, since they often underlie self-injury.
...
The theory describes three self capacities, which are developed within the context of a psychologically healthy childhood environment, and which allow individuals to tolerate strong affect, maintain a sense of self-worth, and maintain a sense of connection to others. Childhood abuse profoundly interrupts the development of these self capacities. The authors believe that self-injury is one common outcome when these self capacities are impaired. Further, the authors believe that addressing the distress that results from impaired self-capacities, and facilitating the long-term work of building self capacities, can lead to the cessation of self-injury. This perspective helps treatment providers to take a position of respect and collaboration with self-injuring individuals, facilitating better understanding and more effective interventions.
...
The authors believe that self capacities are not developed fully in abusive or neglectful homes (Pearlman, 1998). The capacity to maintain a sense of connection with others is the basis from which affect regulation and self-worth develop. Ideally, connection to others is fostered by early, empathic, and consistent care from loving others; that is, in the context of Bowlby’s "secure base" (1981). The adult survivor with impaired self capacities may live in alienation instead of connection, experience terrible affects that he or she cannot soothe, and experience him or herself as toxic, unworthy of living or unable to live. The ability to maintain a sense of connection cannot develop fully when empathic attunement, affection, and nurturance are lacking.
Peter Fonagy, 'Attachment in infancy and the problem of conduct disorders in adolescence:
the role of reflective function', Plenary address to the
International Association of Adolescent Psychiatry, San Francisco,
Jan. 2000 (in .rtf format).
Peter Fonagy, 'Pathological attachment and therapeutic action',
Paper to the Developmental and Psychoanalytic Discussion Group,
American Psychoanalytic Association Meeting, Washington DC, 13 May 1999.
Peter Fonagy, Mary Target, George Gergely, 'Attachment and Borderline Personality Disorder: A Theory and Some
Evidence', paper presented by Peter Fonagy as Visiting Professor
of Psychoanalysis of the Michigan Psychoanalytic Institute,
April 2-9 2000 (document in .rtf format).
Glen O. Gabbard, 'The Impact of
Psychotherapy on the Brain', Psychiatric Times, September 1998,
Vol. XV, Issue 9.
Other relevant references:
The following Bible passages: 2 Cor.3:18; Psalm 22:10,25-27; Prov.15:13; Is.9:3; 23:18; 37:14; 54:8; 2 Cor.4:6; Is.59:2; 64:7; Dan.9:17; Acts 3:19.
An article from the Discipleship Journal of the USA Navigators (Issue 102, Nov/Dec 1997): He Looks at Me with Delight - by Ken Gire, who takes an intimate look at the ongoing love relationship between Jesus and you, His bride.
Josh McDowell, The Disconnected Generation - Saving Our Youth From Self Destruction, 2000.
Henry Pinsker, 'The Supportive Component of Psychotherapy', Psychiatric Times, November 1998, Vol. XV, Issue 11.
André Roosma, Family Life and Personality Development - some notes on how we were meant to grow up and develop; and: The Priestly Blessing: God's Shining Face - how science and the Bible agree on what we need (both on this website).
Andrew Comiskey: Strength in Weakness - Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness (see more details about this book - from the publisher), Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove IL, USA, 2003; ISBN 0-8308-2368-9.
Mary Pytches, Rising above the storms of life - handling our emotions God's way, Eagle (IPS), Guildford, Surrey, GB, 2000; ISBN 0-86347-375-X.
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Give Me Your Hand - About Affirmation, Key to Human Happiness, Croydon, Victoria, Spectrum Publications, 1973 (translation, by Martin Van Buuren, of: Geef mij je hand - over bevestiging, sleutel van menselijk geluk, in Dutch, De Tijdstroom, Lochem NL, 1972).
In Dutch, I found another valuable booklet of particular relevance:
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geloven zonder angst en vrees, Romen, Roermond NL, 1971.
And an article by Téo van der Weele: 'Een oog voor eenzame kinderen', formerly at the site of the foundation De Kracht van Vrede.
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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
André H. Roosma