Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers Joined to a Healing God

2006-03-04

Another exposé - about our life goal and maintaining an intimate relationship with God - ended with a remark that God has designed a most natural pathway for us to be led into the relationship with Him. In this exposé, I want to give you an impression of what I mean by that.

Some aspects of God's 'grand design': relationship is key from the beginning

If, as we saw in that other exposé, God is a God Who longs for intimacy with us, we may expect that He has designed ways by which we could slowly learn to enter into that intimate relationship.

What was God's grand design for the beginning of our lives? It was rooted in His vision on the family - starting with a man and a woman uniting themselves together in love. From that unity - physically expressed in intercourse - a new human being is formed. This little man or woman then goes through a number of stages in his or her growth towards maturity.

The first nine months he or she (I hate to call a baby "it") is very safely protected and hidden in the mother's womb. There all the basic body parts can grow, receiving adequate nurture and love. To me, that design reflects a lot of the tenderness in God's character.

Then, a big event takes place: the birth of this new child. Many experts from a variety of backgrounds now fortunately agree that the most natural thing to happen directly after that moment is that the newborn baby is first laid on the breast of his or her mother. Here, the first bonding of the (now visible) child and the mother take place. And here is where I learned a lot from the diligent observations of the developmental psychologist John Bowlby (1909-1990) and his later co-workers. What they observed during many hours of sitting with these newborns and their mothers in healthy families, was that right from those very first moments, mother and child are engaging in a mutually very enriching and comforting two-way relationship. (This observable fact is in general denied by traditional psychology, which sees the infant-mother relationship as mainly a one-way thing, dominated by the mother feeding the child and the child utterly dependent and incapable of actively engaging in a two-way relationship, thereby also neglecting the child's powerful influence on the mother in this stage. If you might still doubt, ask an involuntarily childless couple to watch this scene and describe their emotions - then you'll discover how much the baby is giving to the mother and a bit more indirect to the father as well!) In the many situations observed, the mother naturally and invariably was tendered and in most cases further delighted by the baby on her breast. In response, she started to caress him or her, on which the baby responded very clearly by relaxing, small body movements, et cetera - which in turn were intuitively very clear signs to her of the baby's delight. Stimulated by this reaction, her enthusiasm raises further, et cetera. For both, it is as if the rest of the world has lost all significance as they further engage in the enjoyment of each other's company.

What these careful scientists also observed, was that all this was strongly stimulated when the father was physically and especially emotionally present and supporting the mother in her care for the baby. It is here, if not already in the womb, that the baby intuitively experiences that his or her mother's care and attentiveness is backed up by a father figure who supports her and the baby strongly, albeit more in the background.

Three types of emotions and behaviours

What Bowlby et al further observed, was the behaviour of a baby or small child that feels safe and secure in the care and attentiveness of his or her mother or other significant caregiver (apologize me when I just write of 'mother' most of the time, meaning the most significant caregiver). From this secure base experience, such a baby or child will generally behave joyful, social and easily exploring the world around. Bowlby named this behaviour secure base behaviour.

Should the child not feel the mother's care or attention, it experiences some form of anxiety (the most fundamental form of what has been known as separation anxiety). It then stops the secure base behaviours, and starts a type of behaviour directed at regaining the attention of the mother. For a baby, the only way may be to cry for her attention, later the child may also start seeking, or physically cling to the mother when she wants to leave the room. This behaviour was termed attachment behaviour, since it is directed at re-establishing the attachment as experienced before.

In case the mother insistently fails to respond to this attention seeking, the child may become thoroughly discouraged and even distract itself completely. It may then go to a passive avoidant behavioural style, with inhibited emotional expression (though other functions may be present seemingly uninhibited). Even when the mother returns, the child who is in this condition will not allow her to console - the child may even do as if the mother is not recognized, and reject her and her avances to re-establish the relationship.

All this is summarized in the following diagram:

A basic and fundamental experience of peace and empowerment

The powerful experience of a baby being quieted at its mother's breast has become a well-known metaphore for coming into an experience of deep satisfaction and peace. E.g. the great king David, of Israel, knew the deep experience of peace in the presence of God that made him humble to serve his people. He used exactly this metaphore to describe what withheld him from walking besides his shoes, and what provided him with a source of hope for his people, as he wrote:

"... I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother's breast..." © Photograph Ben de Haas, Photostudio Leeman; courtesy of the Dutch foundation Zorg voor Borstvoeding

"A Song of Ascents. Of David. O LORD, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother’s breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul. O Israel, hope in the LORD from this time forth and for evermore."

God Himself - often described in masculine form, though transcending our human ideas about gender - also used this metaphor to communicate His tender feelings for His people:

"... "Rejoice with Jerusalem, and be glad for her, all you who love her; rejoice with her in joy, all you who mourn over her; that you may suck and be satisfied with her consoling breasts; that you may drink deeply with delight from the abundance of her glory." For thus says the LORD: "Behold, I will extend prosperity to her like a river, and the wealth of the nations like an overflowing stream; and you shall suck, you shall be carried upon her hip, and dandled upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted in Jerusalem. You shall see, and your heart shall rejoice; your bones shall flourish like the grass; and it shall be known that the hand of the LORD is with his servants, and his indignation is against his enemies. ..."

The tender, affirming and comforting smile and delightful look in the eyes of the mother towards the child are what counseling expert Leanne Payne has named the umbilical cord for the spirit of the child, by which it can develop a healthy identity.

In the healthy situation, this communication from mother to child can be very powerful and life-giving. Essential in this is that the child experiences that he or she is accepted to just be there. He or she does not need to perform to be loved. There is no reason to be fearful or anxious that you will be cut off from the source of love. Therefore, hugging and nourishing plays a role in this: through these, the child experiences in a very tactile, physical way that the love streams towards him or her (notice how sensitive precisely the lips and the mouth are!).

In all this, we can learn a lot from the way things were going in an Israeli family in former times. The opinion there was, that a child was breast-fed by the mother till about three or four years of age - in fact as long as the child him/herself requested. Only then the child was seen as 'finished'. One could say that these years, untill the child was weaned, were - in a sense - a continuation of the nine months in which the child was with the mother in the womb. There is one big difference, however, that shows a nice parallel: those prenatal nine months were a time of prepararion to be able to live outside the body of the mother, the three to four years a preparation to be able to live without the mother. After those years there is no longer the specific great dependence on the mother. We see this very clearly in the life of the young Samuel (1 Sam.1 and 2). That means that in those three to four years the mother was directed to that goal: to let her child - from her safety - gain experiences with others. When the child was weaned, he or she was not only no longer dependent on her only for food but also emotionally and relationally. Like he or she could help him/herself in getting food, and many people could play a facilitating role in this, the child could also, with help from various people, provide in the satisfaction of his/her own emotional and relational needs. One of the things that remained, was a need for structure, which clearly leads us to the father-role.

The father figure: providing stability and security - in the background

As outlined above, it is generally the mother who gives the child his or her first experiences of security in a relationship with someone who is there, who provides intimacy, security, care, food and stimulation and who delights in your very being. In this sense, the mother is the first role model for the child of who God is and of His character.

Then, in the course of the first year or two, the child further discovers the father. He or she discovers that the father is - though at first less palpable indeed - yet an important figure in the family's stability and wellbeing. (Note that I am still talking here from the 'grand design' or optimal situation.) Thereby, the child is introduced to the concept that someone may be less palpably and visibly present and may seem less attentive at first sight, and yet play a major role in securing wellbeing and safety. This, of course, is again an important stepping stone in getting to know God.

In the further course of his or her life, the child experiences how father and mother mutually complement each other in their care. Often, the mother may be more tender and focussed on the child's safety, while the father may be stimulating the child in daring to explore the world around. This gives the child confidence that it may also mutually complement others in satisfying and fruitful relationships.

The father plays another essential role, as illustrated so wonderfully in Vincent van Gogh's painting First Steps (after a similar artwork by Jean François Millet).

Vincent van Gogh - First Steps

The father is the one who challenges the child to let go of the safe skirts of mother and step out, into the world, on its own. Thereby he affirms the child in trusting his or her own perceptions and strengths. This is related to the important role the father plays in affirming the child's gender identity, as Leanne Payne, Andy Comiskey and others have demonstrated so clearly (I refer to the bibliography at the end of this exposé in case you may want to read more about this).

A smooth transition to building a relationship with God

If the father and mother are actively engaged in a relationship with God, the child also gets modelled before his or her eyes how this relationship works and what peace, joy and satisfaction the parents derive from it.
In this context I find it striking what David says in one of his Psalms:

"For You are He Who took me out of the womb, causing me to trust when I was on my mother's breasts."

Behind the rest that he experienced as a baby on his mother's breast, he saw God Who had given him that loving mother and that experience of safety. That gave him the basic safety as an adult: 'God cared for me when I was dependent as a child, He will not forsake me now.'

And not just that, it also gets used to the fact that God is not a vending machine, as I once heard someone phrase it. Sometimes, His will may differ from ours. Sometimes things may happen that are not comfortable to us - and we (at first at least) may not have a clue about how God is or isn't involved in it. Yet, His presence, together with His promises, give hope and a vision for a great future. (Note that the early developmental stages as noted by Erikson also align very much with this view.)

By the time the child has reached the age of 5 or 6 years, he or she thus already has acquired a wealth of experience that has prepared him or her to get to know God for him- or herself. So, in a slow process, the security, peace, reassurance, hope, et cetera, that the child received in the beginning via the intermediation of the parents, get slowly transferred to his or her own relationship with God. By the time the child matures, this relationship with God has become the strong and stable factor (in Bowlby's terms: the secure base) from which all kinds of 'imperfections' and struggles in life can be overcome (see also what I said with the citation from Psalm 22, above).

Maturing - what it is about

In the paragraphs above, note that I have not once spoken of separation, autonomy or individuation. Based on Biblical narrative and on Bowlby's observations, I am convinced that it is not separation, autonomy, independence and individuation (as taught by classical, materialistic, humanistic development psychology) that lead the child to further (spiritual) maturity. In stead, true maturity is based on increased dependence on God and refinement of relationship skills. (After all, didn't Jesus say that we must be like children?) The diagram shown above indicates what Bowlby et al have so clearly observed: a child is most happy, joyful, playful, courageous and outgoing when it is most certain of an important caregiver (such as the mother) 'being there' and being attentive should the child need her. What Bowlby et al also observed much later, was that these behavioural and emotional patterns persist throughout life - until the very end. (Other scientists - a.o. Janet Surrey and Jean Baker Miller from Wellesley College (see the reference of Donna Emmanuel)- have asserted similar things, all concluding that in traditional development psychology the concepts of separation and individuation have been overstressed while connection has been grossly undervalued.) So, one may safely say that in a truly Biblical as well as scientifically sound view, the state of the mature man or woman is not one of individuality and independence. On the contrary, it is one of extreme dependence on and unity with God as well as connectedness with others, as demonstrated a.o. by Jesus' own example as mentioned in the exposé about our life goal.

This is of utmost significance in our view on pastoral counseling. Many people have been diagnosed by helpers who were ignorant of these facts, to be overly dependent. They have been told to get separated, to get better boundaries, to obtain more autonomy, etc. While in fact their problem was that they were too much separated already. Remember from the exposé about our life goal that we are made for dependence on God. It all went wrong, so to say, when Adam and Eve chose autonomy. Autonomy is the desired state of the humanist - man without God. This strife for autonomy as an innate desire of humans has acquired too much favor already - in counseling too. Even the well known founder of contextual counseling, Ivan Boszormenyi Nagy, convinced of the importance of relationships, family units, et cetera, still held on to it, when he wrote: "The individual's goal of autonomy is inextricably linked to his capacity for relational accountability" (Between give and take, p.62).

So, I am not advocating here an over-dependence in adult relationships to take the place of the intimate connectedness with emotionally nurturing parents that a person may have missed as a small child. No, certainly not. What parents did not give in the first months or years cannot be expected from friends, spouses or others in adult life. But yet, this deep longing for connection must be filled in order to be able to live a relationally healthy life. In other essays I will extensively come back to this point. See, e.g. the essay on connectedness and attachment. I now finish this essay with one hope-giving example.

The rocky road

Once we have got to know God, we expect everything to be 'just fine'. Reality, however, is more stubborn. Most of us did not experience such an ideal childhood as outlined above. That's exactly what I like about the Bible: it's so full of accounts of 'real people' like you and I - who have experienced brokenness and the consequences of sin - both our own and sins of others who trespassed against us. One of them is David, that once famous king of Israel. Above we saw from his account in Psalm 131 that he must have had some recollection of the warmth and peace of a mother's breast - either from his own experience or from observing other children. But he had his 'ups' and 'downs' too. He knew all to well what separation anxiety was! Let's for example have a look at some verses of another Psalm of his:

"One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple. For He will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; He will conceal me under the cover of his tent, He will set me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies round about me; and I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD. Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me! Thou hast said, "Seek ye my face." My heart says to Thee, "Thy face, LORD, do I seek." Hide not Thy face from me. Turn not thy servant away in anger, Thou who hast been my help. Cast me not off, forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me up...."

We see here, how he is enthusiastic about being in the presence of God (the temple - as mentioned in verse 4 - also was in that time the place where God was). Both intellectually (... to inquire...) and emotionally (... to behold the beauty of the Lord...) he longs for it. And yet, there is that lurking fear of rejection, that separation anxiety (Hide not Thy face from me). What gave him hope is the fact that God Himself had placed this longing to be with God in his heart - so he knew God wouldn't leave him or forsake him, even in the midst of his doubts. Doubts, that may have been caused by the way he had felt forsaken by his own parents... (We do not know much about this, though remember how, when the prophet Samuel asked his father to gather all his sons, David was left at the fields...). By the end of the Psalm, the security that God would and will be there had won. Over the course of his life so far, he had so many experiences that demonstrated God's faithfulness...

This story - amidst many similar others - gives me a lot of courage to trust God on His Word. Even when our parents haven't always been there for us, even when they have forsaken their care or maybe even abused us, God is there. And when pieces of His 'grand design', His 'Plan A', were left out or broken, He stands above time to mend what was broken inside us as a result. In this way, even our separation anxieties can be an urge to seek Him Who is so much more than man... He can be both a mother and a father substitute and give us all we need. That's the best imaginable basis to go further into the growth process that life is - the adventure of a life with Him.

For further reading

The following is a selection of books on family life and personality development. Boldface titles are specially recommended.

Rita Bennet, Making peace with your inner child, Fleming H. Revell, Old Tappan NJ USA / Kingsway, Eastbourne GB, 1987.

Signa Bodishbaugh, Illusions of Intimacy, Journey Press / Sovereign World, Mobile, Alabama, USA, 2004; ISBN 1-85240-375-6; see also the info-sheet about it at Sovereign (Dutch translation, by Martin Tensen: Intimiteit: illusie of werkelijkheid - Hoe de leegte in je hart wordt vervuld, Coconut, Almere, 2004; ISBN: 90 80758639).

John Bowlby, A Secure Base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development, Basic Books (Perseus), New York USA, 1988 / Routledge (Taylor & Francis Books Ltd.), 1988; ISBN: 0-465-07597-5.

John Bowlby, The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds, Tavistock, London / Routledge, an imprint of Taylor & Francis Books Ltd., London, 1979; ISBN: 0415043263.

John Bowlby, Attachment and loss 1: Attachment, Pimlico; ISBN: 0-7126-7471-3 - Paperback new edition of 2nd revised edition, 1997)

John Bowlby, Attachment and loss 2: Separation - anger and anxiety, Hogarth / Pimlico (Random House), 1998; ISBN: 0-7126-6621-4.

John Bowlby, Attachment and loss 3: Loss - sadness and depression, Hogarth / Pimlico (Random House), 1998; ISBN: 0-7126-6626-5.

Andrew Comiskey, Persuing sexual wholeness, Charisma House / Creation House, Lake Mary, Florida, 1989. ISBN: 0884192598.

Judson Cornwall & Michael S.B. Reid, Whose love is it anyway?, Sharon, Pilgrims Hatch Brentwood Essex GB, 1991.

Larry Crabb, Finding God, Zondervan, 1993.

Larry Crabb, Connecting - Healing for ourselves and our relationships; a radical vision, Word Publishing, Nashville Tennessee USA, 1997.

Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror, Basic Books, Reprint edition, 1993; ISBN 0465087663; Rivers Oram Press/Pandora List edition, 1998; ISBN: 0863584047; (2001 edition: ISBN: 0863584306).

Brennan Manning, Abba's Child - the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado USA, 1994.

Alice Miller, Das drama des begabten Kindes und die Suche nach dem wahren Selbst - eine Um- und Fortschreibung, 1979. (Also translated into English: The Drama of Being a Child : The Search for the True Self, ISBN 1860491014).

Leanne Payne, The Healing Presence, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1989/1995.

Leanne Payne, Restoring the christian soul - through healing prayer (Overcoming the three great barriers to personal and spiritual completion in Christ), Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA, 1991.

Leanne Payne, The broken image - Restoring sexual wholeness trough healing prayer, Kingsway Publications, 19.. .

Leanne Payne, Crisis in masculinity, Crossway Books / Good News Publ., Westchester Illinois USA, 1985 / Kingsway, Eastbourne E.-Sussex GB, 1988.

Mary Pytches, Set My People Free: inner healing in the local church, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1987.

Mary Pytches, Yesterday's Child - Understanding & healing present problems by examining the past, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1990; ISBN 0 340 52273 9.

Mary Pytches, Rising above the storms of life - handling our emotions God's way, Eagle (IPS), Guildford, Surrey, GB, 2000; ISBN 0-86347-375-X.

J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness - the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1990.

John Ernest Sanders, The God Who risks - A theology of providence, IVP, Downers Grove Illinois, 1998.

Paul D. Stanley, J. Robert Clinton, Connecting - The mentoring relationships you need to succeed in life, Navpress, Colorado Springs, USA, 1992. ISBN 0-89109-638-8.

Conrad W. Baars, Anna A. Terruwe, Psychic Wholeness and Healing: Using All the Powers of the Human Psyche, Albatross Records, June 1981; ISBN: 0818904100.

Anna A.A. Terruwe, Give Me Your Hand - About Affirmation, Key to Human Happiness, Croydon, Victoria, Spectrum Publications, 1973 (translation, by Martin Van Buuren, of: Geef mij je hand - over bevestiging, sleutel van menselijk geluk, in Dutch, De Tijdstroom, Lochem NL, 1972).

Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geloven zonder angst en vrees (Believing without anxiety or fear; in Dutch), Romen, Roermond, 1971.

Anna A.A. Terruwe, De liefde bouwt een woning (Love builds a home; in Dutch), J.J. Romen & Zonen, Roermond NL, 1971.

Henry G. Tietze, Botschaften aus dem Mutterleib (Messages from the mother's womb; in German), Ariston Verlag, Genf, 1984.

Paul Tournier, Escape from loneliness, W.L. Jenkins / SCM Press, 1962 / Highland Books, Crowborough East Sussex GB, 1983 (translation, by John S. Gilmour, of: De la solitude à la communauté, Delachaux & Niestlé, Neuchâtel / Paris, 1943/1948).

John Townsend, Hiding from Love (We all long to be cared for, but we prevent it by -) - How to change the withdrawal patterns that isolate and imprison you, NavPress, USA, 1991 / Scripture Press, Amersham-on-the-Hill Bucks England, 1992. ISBN 1-872059-68-6.

Ingrid Trobish, The Hidden Strength - Rooted in the Security of God's Love, Here's Life, San Bernardino, 1988.

Lori A. Varick, Designed for dependency - moving from emotional isolation to intimacy, Emerald Books, Lynnwood Washington USA, 1994.

Janet Geringer Woititz, Struggle for Intimacy, Health Communications, Deerfield Beach Florida USA, 1985.

For further websurfing

The following is a selection of recommended webpages on family life and personality development.

(added: 2006-03-04)

Josh McDowell, The Disconnected Generation - Saving Our Youth From Self Destruction, 2000.

Robert Watson (Wheaton College), Toward Union in Love: The Contemplative Spiritual Tradition and Contemporary Psychoanalytic Theory in the Formation of Persons ( document in pdf format), first published in Jl of Psychology and Theology, 28 (4), 2000, p.282-292.

(added: 2005-10-25)

Christine Carter (Berkeley UC), Within Families - The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, webdocument at the site of The Center for the Development of Peace and Well-Being (Berkeley).

Inge Bretherton, The origins of attachment theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth ( in pdf format), in: R. Parke, P. Ornstein, J. Reiser en C. Zahn-Waxler (Eds.), A century of developmental psychology, 1994, Chapter 15, p. 431-471.

Timeline of the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth http://www.psych.nwu.edu/~hedlund/bol-ain.html.

Everett Waters & E. Mark Cummings, A secure base from which to explore close relationships ( in pdf format), Child Development, Feb. 2000.

Donna Emmanuel, A developmental model of girls and women (in pdf format), Progress: Family Systems Research and Therapy, Vol. 1, Encino, CA, Phillips Graduate Institute, 1992, p. 25-39. The yearly editions of his Journal will be made available from Phillips Graduate Institute. Until that time, Phillips Graduate Institute - the copyright owner - and Mrs Donna Emmanuel - the author - have been so kind as to allow me to make this article available via this website.

Peter Fonagy, Attachment in infancy and the problem of conduct disorders in adolescence: the role of reflective function (in .rtf format), Plenary address to the International Association of Adolescent Psychiatry, San Francisco, Jan. 2000.

Peter Fonagy, Pathological attachment and therapeutic action, Paper to the Developmental and Psychoanalytic Discussion Group, American Psychoanalytic Association Meeting, Washington DC, 13 May 1999.

R.C. Fraley, & P.R. Shaver, Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions ( in pdf format) Review of General Psychology, 4, 2000, p.132-154.

R.C. Fraley, Attachment theory and close relationships.

There is a lot of stuff on 'attachment parenting' that is worthwhile to pastoral counselors as well. Like many parents did and still do, we may fear the loss of good boundaries when we make ourselves more available, allow counselees to phone us 'most of the time', etc. Dr Sears goes into questions like this at the site of parenting.com. E.g: Is this separation anxiety?, Will I spoil my baby if I carry her in a sling?, or (on the site of askdrsears.com) The 7 benefits of attachment parenting. Note: Try replacing the words 'baby' or 'child' by 'counselee', 'parent' by 'counselor', 'parenting' by 'counseling' - not in a strict way, but with some creativity - and see what fits and what not; but be warned: you may be surprised! Certainly when you start acting upon it! To give you an impression: this is how the beginning of the latter article reads with the suggested replacings:

If you were educated to keep a 'professional distance', this may look a bit scary, huh...? Maybe it is not so scary as it looks. After all, attachment parenting has build up a very good track record of bringing up counselees, uhhh... babies, to be relatively very healthy and competent people... So, in my view, this approach certainly deserves more attention.

The Nurturing Parent staff, Fostering healthy attachment - An interview with Dr. Karen Walant (on the site of www.naturalchild.com).

Ayesha Court, "A kiss is just a kiss? Maybe not...", USA Today.

J.H., Leavin' on a jet plane, Psychology Today, May/June 1999.

Kathryn Cohan, Basics of Relational Theory.

C. Hazan & P.R.Shaver, Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 1987, pp.511-524. See also: Some highlights from this paper by Pizzurro.

A. Lock, Draft outline for a course on identity and self (With significant quotes from: K.J. Gergen, Realities and Relationships: Soundings in Social Construction. Harvard University Press, Cambridge MA, 1994, p.viii; F. Jameson, Postmodernism and Consumer Society, in E.A. Caplin (Ed.) Postmodernism and its Discontents, Verso, London, 1988; pp.13-29; and M.M. Bakhtin, 1984, p.287).

John Shotter, The social construction of our 'inner' lives, (With a significant quote from M.M. Bakhtin, Problems of Dostoevsky's Poetics, edited and trans. by Caryl Emerson; University of Minnesota Press, Minneapolis, 1984, p.110).

Daniel D. Hutto (Centre for Meaning and Metaphysical Studies, University of Hertfordshire, England), The Story of the Self: The Narrative Basis of Self-development.

Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, Dependency in the Treatment of Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorders, Jl of Trauma and Dissociation, 2 (4), p.79-116.

About attachment, I found three noteworthy Powerpoint presentations on the web: Developmental Psychology Lecture 4 - Attachment -- 'Made for each other', The treatment of multiply impaired clients with severe behavioural problems diagnosed as having an attachment disorder, by Paula Sterkenburg of Bartiméus and the Free Univ. of Amsterdam (VU), and What do we gain from relationships?.

From the Discipleship Journal (Navigators USA) library:
Living as God's beloved - an interview with author Brennan Manning, author of (a.o.): Abba's Child, on how to experience God's love
Why should I trust God?
Love: delighting in God's tenderness - we all need to hear and experience that we are loved, but how do we get there? With questions for further reflection and/or discussion with friends

From the NACR (Christian Recovery) library:
(titles to be added)

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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.

© André H. Roosma , Accede!, Zoetermeer / Soest NL, 2002-07-07 / 2018-09-07; all rights reserved.