Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God
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Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded Helpers
Joined to a Healing God |
Wounded Healers |
2007-07-08Probably, we all have those times when we are faced with our own brokenness or woundedness and ask: "What can I possibly mean for others now?"
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Below I include my summary of Henri J.M. Nouwen's
inspiring book: The Wounded Healer - ministry in contemporary society, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972; (Reissue edition: Image Books, 1979)
ISBN 0-385-14803-8. This book has a vital message for us.
Henri Nouwen's concept of the 'wounded healer' helped me to see
my own brokenness not as something to be regretted (only), but (also)
as something that helps me to acknowledge my need for God and to truly
connect with others on a heart-to-heart level. And without such an empathic
connection, effective counseling is hardly possible.
This really delicious book consists of 4 chapters, in which Henri Nouwen gives us 4 angles or viewpoints on the role of ministry (specifically pastoral care) in this world, which are also one.
In chapter 1: Ministry in a dislocated world, Nouwen describes what he calls the nuclear man, characterized by historical dislocation, fragmented ideology and the search for immortality. This concept comes close to my concept of the individualistic, post-modern, social constructionist man. One of nuclear man's main problems he sees (with Lifton) as his lost sense of immortality. He describes three ways to liberation he may explore - the mystical way, the revolutionary way and the Christian way. In the latter, restoration of the broken connection with past and future - through Christ - is central. As demonstrated in the life of Jesus, the Christian way encompasses the revolutionary way and the mystical way.
In chapter 2: Ministry for a rootless generation, he describes 'tomorrow's generation' as inward, fatherless and convulsive. From that, he derives 'tomorrow's leader' or 'minister' as an articulator of inner events (through articulating his own experiences, he can understand and help others also, a.o. by helping them recognize the work of God in themselves), a man of compassion (as a base of his authority) and a contemplative man - a man of deep prayer.
Chapter 3: Ministry to a hopeless man, is build up from a conversation between a lonely farmer in a hospital bed and a theology student visiting him twice before the farmer dies during an operation. Nouwen analyses the single, hard-working farmer's fear of death as well as his despair in life and the strange and impersonal milieu of the hospital. Then he digs into the question how the young minister could have led the farmer to a new tomorrow, from which he derives principles of Christian ministry and leadership. Key characteristics of an effective minister would be that he is filled with personal concern, that he would give the lonely farmer an idea of someone waiting for him - whether in life or in death -; someone with faith in the meaning of life and that he would give him hope. Key to this kind of ministry "is that the way out is the way in, that only by entering into communion with human suffering can relief be found". "... every Christian is constantly invited to overcome his neighbour's fear by entering into it with him, and to find in the fellowship of suffering the way to freedom".
Chapter 4: Ministry by a lonely minister, does full right to the book's title. Here, Nouwen speaks from (his own experience with) loneliness - both personal and professional (wanting to help, but often left standing 'outside') - and how this is not something to be evaded and avoided, but something through which one can become a healing minister. There should be "a constant willingness to see one's own pain and suffering as rising from the depth of the human condition which all men share". Words like care and compassion, understanding and forgiveness, fellowship and community are summarized in Nouwen's concept of hospitality. It demands that we can concentrate on (in stead of rush over or avoid looking at) what is really going on deep inside ourselves, as well as guide another into reality and away from illusions. It is not about alleviating pain. "Mutual confession then becomes a mutual deepening of hope and sharing weakness becomes a reminder to one and all of the coming strength". "The master is coming - not tomorrow, but today, not next year, but this year, not after all our misery is passed, but in the middle of it, ..."
The title of this book had been reeling in my mind for a long time, before I read it completely. Through my reading this book, it was as if God re-connected me to the reality that He is there in the suffering. It is not after our wounds are healed, that we become useful in God's hands; it is in and through the experience of our own wounds. I also had to think of Paul's words: "when I am weak, then I am mighty" and his words about the treasure in the earthen vessel and about his trembling and fear while speaking to the Corinthians in the first place - and the Spirit of God moving mightily through it. In between I read in Téo van der Weele's From Shame to Peace (p.56) how he, too, experienced God using him through his own 'weakness' and creating beauty out of his own trauma - it was as if God wanted it to become really clear to me.
The best we can do is not to withhold God from touching
our wounds (even when that hurts again). This gave me a new passion to be
vulnerable, reachable and (then through that also) available to God - to
learn once again to trust Him more. To allow Him to redefine my loneliness
and my 'valleys' into usable instruments in His hands, thus providing healing
and relief to others.
Only through acknowledging our own weaknesses and welcoming God's work
in our own lives, can we be devoted to serve God and others in humility.
The concept of the wounded healer has a long history, as it already appeared in ancient Greek mythology: the figure of Cheiron.
Some interesting background info I encountered a.o. in a web document from which a few quotes follow:
In Greek mythology, Chiron, son of Cronos and Philyra, was the first "wounded healer". He was a centaur - a creature born with a horse's body and man's torso, conceived when Cronos was disguised as a stallion. Chiron was rejected by both parents (this was his first wound), then became the foster son and protégé of Apollo. Chiron was ultimately wounded with an arrow poisoned with the blood of Hydra. The poison was deadly but Chiron was immortal, so he suffered a painful injury that did not heal. Though in constant pain and sadness, Chiron became a healer and teacher of others. Finally the gods listened to his pleas for release from his immortality, he sacrificed himself to save Prometheus, and he died. In short, Chiron qualified as a wounded healer.
Carl Gustav Jung, the ... matchmaker between our primal myths and our primal urges and needs, recognized the potency of the tale of the wounded hero. As Jung put it, "The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected.... Only the wounded physician heals."
.... Loneliness, according to Nouwen, is the archetypal wound, mutually understood at the deepest level by the minister's hospitality.
Nouwen’s personal story is worth a few moments of your time.
The author of forty books, a psychologist and a distinguished theologian who taught at Yale Divinity School, Nouwen gave up the comfortable corridors of academia in 1990 to come to Richmond Hill, just north of Toronto, to become chaplain, worker and resident at L'Arche Daybreak, a community of people with developmental disabilities. But shortly after his arrival, Nouwen entered a nine-month-long depression. Most people profoundly depressed can barely tie their shoelaces. But Nouwen kept a spiritual, almost mystical, journal of these months that became a book, The Inner Voice of Love. In the book Nouwen builds on his earlier themes from The Wounded Healer:
"Your pain is deep, and it won't just go away. It is also uniquely yours, because it is linked to some of your earliest life experiences. Your call is to bring that pain home. As long as your wounded part remains foreign to your adult self, your pain will injure you as well as others. Yes, you have to incorporate your pain into yourself and let it bear fruit in your heart and in the hearts of others. This is what Jesus means when he asks you to take up your cross.... first of all, befriending your wounds and letting them reveal to you your own truth. There is great pain and suffering in the world. But the pain hardest to bear is your own. Once you have taken up that cross, you will be able to see clearly the crosses that others have to bear, and you will be able to reveal to them their own ways to joy, peace, and freedom."
Weeks before he died of a heart attack in 1996, Nouwen completed his book Adam: God's Beloved. It is a personal memoir about his friendship with Adam, a severely developmentally disabled man he befriended and served at L'Arche Daybreak. Adam became his teacher. In the book Nouwen points to the capacity of all of us to offer from the depths of our wounds:
"What makes us human is not our mind but our heart, not our ability to think but our ability to love. Whoever speaks about Adam as a vegetable or animal-like creature misses the sacred mystery that Adam is fully capable of receiving and giving love."
PDF document), in: Import - a weekly
review of developments in health and human services, Vol.2, No.21, July 10,
2002, p.10-12.The wounded healer concept has different sides. The positive side is that it can be a powerful illustration of the fact that we can help each other not from our supremacy but especially from our own weakness. Acknowledging our own weaknesses helps us to be in contact with our heart and our affects. And thereby it helps us to be identifiable for another human being who feels weak in some way. In that way, it helps us to have a deep heart-to-heart empathic contact that is highly satisfying. Spiritually, you can relate the wounded healer to what the apostle Paul wrote about his own weakness and about being earthen vessels with a treasure in them, in his letters to the church in Corinth. When we realize that we are weak and wounded, we can decide to seek refuge in God. In that case, God 'comes in' and starts to create something beautiful even out of our wounds. By our woundedness, we can stand close to Jesus, who was wounded in every possible way when He was hanged on a cross. And filled or clothed with Him (metaphores come short of describing this wonder of connection) we can be most fruitful.
However, - this is the other side - we should
not idolize the weakness itself.
The power is not the weakness itself, but the fact that in weakness, we
more easily acknowledge our need for God: the Treasure in Paul's metaphore.
In that respect true Christian counseling has a lot more to offer than,
e.g. Jungian therapy.
As Christians, we serve a living Christ.
He incarnated in a human form 2000 years ago, and still, He incarnates
in us, co-operating with our spirit to serve God.
That's a world of difference.
In another exposé I will elaborate on this aspect further.
In case we do not recognize this phenomenon, we easily end up in
darkness.
In an extensive treatment of the concept, which I encountered
on the web, it is mentioned that "Cheiron, 'the Wounded Healer'
is a prominent element in astrological thinking:
His wound can be our gift, and astrological thinking can help us locate
our wound so that we may tend it" [sic].
To this I can only say: darkness of astrology - something God has
explicitly forbidden for our wellbeing - cannot and will not help us.
It is not in focussing on and celebrating our wounds, but in having them
cured by God through Jesus Christ, and in focussing on and celebrating His
presence that we find healing for ourselves and those around us.
Our woundedness can, however, help us acknowledge our need for Him and
present ourselves humbly to others.
The following is a selection of books and webpages related to wounded healership. Boldface titles are specially recommended.
Andrew Comiskey, Strength in Weakness - Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness, Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove IL, USA, 2003; ISBN 0-8308-2368-9.
Larry Crabb & Dan Allender, Encouragement, the key to caring, Zondervan Grand Rapids MI USA, 1984 (Dutch translation by Evert W. van der Poll: Bemoedigen doet goed - De pastorale opdracht van de gemeente, Navigatorboeken, Driebergen NL, 1995; ISBN: 9070656655).
Carole Mayhall, Help Lord - my whole life hurts, Navpress, USA / New Malden Surrey GB, 1988 / 1989.
Valerie J. McIntyre, Sheep in Wolves' Clothing - How unseen need destroys friendship and community and what to do about it, Pastoral Care Ministries / Hamewith Books - Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1996/1999.
Wayne Muller, Legacy of the heart - The spiritual advantages of a painful childhood, Simon & Schuster, New York USA etc., 1992.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer - ministry in contemporary society, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972; (Reissue edition: Image Books, 1979) ISBN 0-385-14803-8.
J. Oswald Sanders, Facing loneliness - the starting point of a new journey, Highland Books, Crowborough East-Sussex England, 1988 / Discovery House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1990.
David Kyle Foster, The Wounded Healer - a short web-article on the site of Mastering Life Ministries, dealing with the fact that God uses people who have become deeply convinced of their utter need for Him.
Joni Eareckson Tada, At the Foot of the Cross - What does it mean to humble yourself? in: The Navigators' Discipleship Journal, Issue 105, May/June 1998).
Dale Ryan, On Powerlessness (NACR Library).
Andrew Comiskey, Fathering and Being Fathered and Risen with Christ, Our Wounds yet Visible ;
both on the site of Desert Stream Ministries.
Joe Dallas, Shame On Me (Genesis Counseling, Tistin CA, 2003).
Téo van der Weele, 'Gewond of Gezond?' (Wounded or Healthy?; in Dutch), Opwekking Magazine, Nr. 348, September 1992, p.17.
I haven't read it myself yet, but someone recommended to me: Stuart Briscoe, Brave Enough to Follow: What Jesus Can Do When You Keep Your Eyes on Him, NavPress, 2004. (It's an inspiring study on the life of Peter, a less-then-perfect fisherman, greatly used by God as he gave his life to Jesus.)
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For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
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Accede!, Zoetermeer / Soest NL, 2003-01-03 / 2018-09-07;
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