Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded
Helpers Joined to a Healing God
| Thoughts and Encouragements for Wounded
Helpers Joined to a Healing God |
My Psycho-Pastoral Kitchen |
2015-07-27The title of this web-page compares psycho-pastoral work to
the preparation of a good meal. The question then is: what are good
ingredients to prepare a healthy and well-making meal? On this page I will
present a selection from the spectrum of approaches and models that I see as
useful in Christian counseling or psycho-pastoral therapy.
Over the past decades, many people have come up with ideas, insights or
other findings that are useful to christian counselors. However, it is not
always easy to distinguish what ideas are really in line with what the Bible
teaches about life. And not all ideas necessarily benefit the Christian
counselor or therapist in his or her work.
Via this Accede!-page, I want to highlight some
of the ideas, models, approaches, etc. that I have found satisfying the two
criteria above. Ideas that have challenged my thinking or feeling, ideas that
have added to my understanding of God’s marvelous plan. Or ideas that
have given me more insight about why some people struggle so hard and yet, do
not seem to ‘make it’. Through the ideas presented by a great
variety of people, God has opened my eyes for alternative viewpoints that
have been most enriching. After all, a three-dimensional world is so much
more beautiful than a one-dimensional one.
A few observations and criteria have guided me in the back of my mind:
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God is knowledgable as well as loving and able, more than anyone else beyond any comparison, and thus the ultimate source of healing and wisdom; |
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Next to God, the counselee is the best expert on his or her life in all its aspects; |
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Problems of counselees are often - at least partly - socially or relationally induced and/or the result of an acquired lifestyle of the counselee or of significant others in (the past or present of) the life of the counselee; |
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Such problems are usually not residing in the core being, ‘heart’ or ‘personality’ of the counselee; |
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Besides cognitive and behavioural aspects, emotional, relational, spiritual, physical and other aspects of life are generally involved and should be dealt with; |
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‘Health’ cannot be described in any limited subset of these aspects either – relational aspects may even be more important than rational or individualistic ones; |
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In healing processes, it is vital that the counselee’s personality, dignity and skills are empowered rather than downgraded. |
Thus, I welcome any approach or model that holds on to these criteria and observations. Similarly, I basically do not accept any approach that sees the counselor as an exclusive "expert" and/or the counselee as ‘dumb’ or ‘ignorant’, as well as any approach that is in contradiction to acknowledging God for Who He is. However, I do want to learn from any experience, any observation that has been acquired in line with the above criteria, even if part of a system that I would reject in general. I like to be led by the motto of the prophet Isaiah: “You have taught me to speak as pupils do” i.e. as willing to learn, always wondering, always eager to see things from a different perspective.
Below I will very briefly mention some of the ideas, models
and approaches that I have learned from, and what in particular I learned
from them.
In this limited space I can impossibly do full right to the approaches,
nor describe them adequately. However, I do want to point to some approaches
that have benefitted me substantially as a counselor.
First and foremost, there is the Bible itself. Every time again and again, I am surprised at the enormous wealth of wisdom that God communicates to me through His Word. Now it is a Psalm through which He shows me some aspect of the way we were meant to be, then it is a prophetic piece through which I see more of His care, or a history that sheds new light on the way He likes to communicate with us, etcetera. The list could go on endlessly. Without the Bible I had no Life. Therefore, I advise people to read the Bible daily, and to study the Bible regularly in more depth.
On the web, there are many good Bible resources to use with
that.
Besides many websites that offer a variety of translations and other aids
there is, e.g., the Word (see www.theWord.net) – freely to be
downloaded on your pc. This is an excellent Bible resource for in-depth Bible
study as well as useful for daily use, with a great variety of original texts
and translations as well as dictionaries and other works of reference.
An alternative is the Online Bible (see www.onlinebible.net), for pc and
palmtop. Various paid versions of this are provided by Importantia.
A free Online Bible Starters Pack
with a few older translations can be a good starter indeed. Many additions
can be found at the American Online Bible site.
These tools are very useful to get more ‘at home’ in the Bible
via the pc, do Biblestudy, search out what Bible words really mean, etc.
A Bible society has a
website where the Bible can be read in various languages and translations.
In each translation can be searched.
At the site of the Bible
Gateway (part of Gospel Communicatiuons) many translations are available
as well, with search function.
Good daily Bible reading plans can be downloaded from e.g. Heartlight™’s website
or The Navigators’ website.
Part of Heartlight™’s ministry is the site of Search God’s
Word with many more Bible study resources.
Those who like to study the Bible in the original language,
find a good help in the Word (the Online Bible has limited
support concerning the Hebrew of the Old Testament, as it only has the Old
Testament in a single Hebrew variant without the Masoretic vowel signs).
An even more easy to use version of the Old Testament with vowels and
help in the grammatical analysis and pronunciation can be found at www.QBible.com (see e.g. Genesis 1:1).
Another good help on this is offered by Biblos, giving multiple versions of the source text
when available (see e.g. Genesis 1:1).
The Tanach contains the most actual version of the Westminster Leningrad
Codex [4.12] of the Old Testament. Soundly grounded in the sources (esp.
those of the Aleppo Codex of the Old Testament) as well is Mechon-Mamre (there also material to use off-line).
Some source texts, translations and background material can also be found at
Aantekeningen bij de Bijbel (‘Notes to the Bible’; partly in
Dutch) by Jan Pieter van der Giessen.
The site of www.Hebrew4Christians.com offers further help
and stimulation in studying the very rich Hebrew text (see also a useful hint on using Hebrew in Internet Explorer
there).
If you want to dig even deeper into the Hebrew, I also refer to the sites: www.Hallelu-YaH.nl and www.ancient-hebrew.org. They provide a.o. an insightful look into the
history of the Hebrew language.
Further, I refer here to the articles that I have written that are or will be published on this website, as they refer to the Biblical narrative extensively.
The many stories that God has given us in the Bible I enjoy
very much, as we can recognize ourselves in the many people ‘just like
us’ – people, too, with a wonderful God! One of the stories that
had a great impact on me is the story of Mary and Martha, the sisters of
Lazarus. I have paraphrased what happened in the lives of these two sisters in their
contact with Jesus, as seen through the eyes of Mary (
).
God communicates to us through His Word, and through other
people – who have either studied His Word or His creation.
So let’s turn to some of those now.
Allow me to add to that, that I had never been able to assess the value
of these approaches and use them the way I can now, if I had not received
such a good foundation in Biblical exegesis during my years as a student
– a.o. via the IFES (International Fellowship of Evangelical
Students) and via the foundation Shalom in Eindhoven/Geldrop (NL).
After all, the Bible remains my ultimate source of insight and wisdom,
because the Bible speaks to me about the One Who is my Life (yes, with a
capital L!) and in Whom we find our destiny: Jesus
Christ.
At first I want to mention some theologians and preachers
who have had an influence on my ideas about God and my understanding of the
Bible. It is only a small selection from a long list.
The first that comes to my mind is John Piper, a
contemporary American theologian and preacher who directs us in a delightful
way to the greatness of God and to the joy that God has in store for us.
His Christocentric and God-directed teachings had an indelible and far
reaching influence on my thinking and life. Regularly I return to his
teachings to be stimulated to experience the full joy in God and not let
myself be distracted by side issues.
John Ernest Sanders confronted me, in his own
undescribable way, with how vulnerable God has made Himself in His
extraordinary love.
Joseph Pieper comes from a German stable and
digs deep into such themes as ‘hope’ and ‘being on the
way’.
The seeming antithesis about the Kingdom of God ‘being here now’
and ‘not being there yet’ (and our loking forward to it) I saw
uniquely described by George Eldon Ladd.
This can also be seen as a theological basis for the Maranatha-counseling
(see below, with Téo van der Weele).
Of an older date is Aiden Wilson Tozer.
Like Piper he is able to make us enthousiastic for Who God is.
If we start to understand and experience a little about that, it becomes
a great life-transforming power in our lives!
Last but not least, Donald G. Bloesch, gives a
very clear vision on Word and Spirit and helps us find a good balance.
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For further reading:John Piper, Seeing and Savouring Jesus Christ, Crossway / Good News Publ., Wheaton, 2001.
John Piper, When I Don't Desire God, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill, 2004; ISBN 1 58134 652 2.
John Piper, Desiring God, Multnomah, 2003, ISBN: 1590521196; see also: The website on Desiring God.
See also John Piper’s impressive sermon of Febr. 26th, 2006, on Psalm 43 (also as mp3 file - right click and select ‘download as’).John Ernest Sanders, The God Who risks – A theology of providence, IVP, Downers Grove Illinois, 1998. ISBN 0 8308 1501 5.
Josef Pieper (with Victoria H. Lane - illustrator, Mary F. McCarthy - translator), On Hope, Ignatius Press, 1986; ISBN: 0898700671 (original in German).
John W. Fawcett of Pastoral Care Ministries once wrote a precious Précis of Joseph Pieper’s book On Hope. It gave me a clearer understanding of the hope we all need when we are involved in a recovery / healing process. An important characteristic of this hope is that we are on the way to fulfilment.George Eldon Ladd, The Gospel and the Kingdom – Scriptural Studies in the Kingdom of God, The Paternoster Press / Wm. B. Eerdmans, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1959 / 1994.
Aiden Wilson Tozer, The knowledge of the Holy (
A.W. Tozer, Worship: The Missing Jewel, (Heritage Series) Christian Publications, June 1996; ISBN: 0875092195.
A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God, Christian Publications, 1982).
A.W. Tozer, God tells the man who cares, Christian Publications, Harrisburg Pennsylvania USA, 1970.
A.W. Tozer (ed. by Gerald B. Smith), I talk back to the devil, Essays in spiritual perfection, Christian Publications, Harrisburg PA USA, 1972.
Donald G. Bloesch, A Theology of Word & Spirit – authority & method in theology, Christian Foundations -series, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove Illinois USA, 1992.
 At the closing of a German seminar, August 2001. From left to right: Christiane Mack, Manfred Schmidt, and Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh |
I have found great value in the healing prayer ministry of Leanne Payne and her co-workers – such as Rev. Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh (of Mobile AL, USA). Her Pastoral Care Ministry Schools have had a life-changing impact on me and several people I know. Through her, God has given me a new vision on the centrality of the cross of
 Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh |
Through her ministry, God gave me a new appreciation of
my own unique being as well as that of others. She and her co-workers Conlee
and Signa Bodishbaugh helped me to celebrate (she says: practice) the presence
of God in my daily life. Yes, I appreciate her clear focus on
‘practicing the presence of God’. Only in lively daily connection
with Him can we florish and thrive. Communicating intensely with God in
everyday life – yes, also about the ‘ordinary’ things –
is such a blessing!
She also introduced me to the seminal work of John Bowlby (see below).
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Her co-worker John W. Fawcett once wrote a precious Précis of Joseph
Pieper’s book On Hope. It gave me a clearer understanding
of the hope we all need when we are involved in processes of recovery and
healing. An important characteristic of this hope is that we are on the
way to fulfilment. That means: you left base (not hopeless, unable to
start going), but you’re not yet ‘there’ (cf. Fil.3:13-14).
Immediately, that points to two enemies of hope: an impression of
‘already being there’ (e.g.: using the adagio "I am
saved" as an excuse for not having to work on sanctification or personal
development) and an idea of ‘never getting there’ (as if that
isn’t up to God to care that we get there). We can decide to renounce
these enemies. That is the virtue of humility – knowing that
God is ‘in control’ and that we are on our way by His hand.
In the article Risen with Christ, Our Wounds yet Visible (), Andrew Comiskey elaborates on this
theme in a very valuable way.
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For further reading:Much more info about Leanne Payne, her books and the seminars is available at the Pastoral Care Ministry website (English, German and Dutch version). Below only a small selection. See also the website of Christ Anglican Church, of Conlee and Signa Bodishbaugh.
Leanne Payne, Restoring the christian soul – through healing prayer (Overcoming the three great barriers to personal and spiritual completion in Christ), Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA, 1991.
Leanne Payne, The Healing Presence, Crossway Books, Wheaton Ill USA / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1989/1995.
At the site of Mastering Life Ministries, I found: A conversation with Leanne Payne - part 1 and part 2, by David Kyle Foster. In this interview, we meet Leanne as she was - vibrant, enthousiastic and focused on the heart of the matter.
See further:
Signa Bodishbaugh, The Journey to Wholeness in Christ - A devotional adventure to becoming whole, Chosen Books / Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1997; 3rd Printing available from Journey Press, Mobile Alabama, 2003.
Note: Conlee & Signa Bodishbaugh lead Journey to Wholeness in Christ Seminars, regularly. See: their website.Andrew Comiskey, Strength in Weakness - Healing Sexual and Relational Brokenness, Inter Varsity Press, Downers Grove IL, USA, 2003; ISBN 0-8308-2368-9.
Valerie J. McIntyre, Sheep in Wolves’ Clothes – How unseen need destroys friendship and community and what to do about it, Pastoral Care Ministries / Hamewith Books - Baker Book House, Grand Rapids MI USA, 1996/1999.
Lin Button, Sorry Matters, HPS, Essex, UK, 2013.
Lin Button, Father Matters, HPS, Essex, UK, 2009.
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Lin Button, Mother Matters - Finding Contentment in God (Changing Lives), HPS, Essex UK, 2010, ISBN 978 0 95670931 8.
John W. Fawcett, Précis of Joseph Pieper's book: On Hope.
Andrew Comiskey, an early trainee of Leanne Payne, has founded a ministry directed to ministring the Life of Jesus to the sexually and relationally broken: Desert Stream. Its website features various good articles, like: Fathering and Being Fathered (
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Encounters, in the Fall of 2004, with the American
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One of the focus points in Jim’s teachings is that we may learn to live from the renewed heart that God wants to give us - that is living from the connection with God in Christ Jesus. A characteristic illustration about this I found on a page of the Life Model website about Christian Formation (some Bible-references added):
... our main task is to learn how to engage with the Spirit of God in ways that are life-changing, so that we become more and more prepared to live out of the new heart that God gave us, and less and less out of our old life patterns and values (cf. Eze.36:26; Deut.30:6; Jer.32:39; John 3; Rom.5-8). It’s a bit like trying to grow apples. If we tried to manufacture apples by assembling a pile of organic material and attempting to rearrange the molecules to make apples, we would find the process frustrating and the goal impossible. But if we plant the right kind of tree, water and fertilize the ground, and protect the tree against invading insects and disease, the apples will form quite well without our having any idea how the tree is able to do such a thing. So, too, with spiritual growth. If we learn to abide in the vine (cf. John 15), we will discover that we can bear fruit that is qualitatively better than anything we could produce by direct effort.
Since 2009 I cooperate with Jim Wilder & Chris
Coursey in furthering the Immanuel lifestyle and the Immanuel
approach to counseling, where the presence of God (Immanuel =
‘God is with us’) is the focus of all.
One of the main points of this approach is that it teaches people how to live
in and from God’s presence and shalom (inner peace). When people
experience the deep peace and safety of the presence of God – either God
the Father, Jesus Christ or the Holy Spirit –, they can more easily live
from the heart Jesus gave them, and grow towards maturity, and process
possible emotional trauma that may have bothered them so far.
In the Netherlands, I teach this approach via Immanuel levensstijl
NL and Immanuel pastoraat NL (the latter specially for pastoral
workers).
I am most thankful to Gerard & Coby Feller of the Dutch foundation Promise who introduced me to Jim in the first place, after seeing the congruency between the findings & teachings of Jim and me!
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For further reading:E. James Wilder, James G. Friesen, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, Maribeth Poole, The Life Model - Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You – The Essentials of Christian Living, Shepherd’s House, Pasadena, CA, USA, 1999.
E. James Wilder, James G. Friesen, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, Maribeth Poole, Bringing the Life Model to Life – The LIFE Model Study Guide for Individuals and Small Groups, Shepherd’s House, Pasadena, CA, USA, 2000.
E. James Wilder, The Stages of a Man’s Life – A Guide for Men and Women, Quiet Water Publ., Bolivar, Missouri, USA, 2003; ISBN 1-931475-18-0.
E. James Wilder, (The Complete Guide to) Living with Men – Keep Growing and Stay Lovable, Shepherd’s House Publishing, Pasadena CA, USA, 2004; ISBN 0 9674357 5 7.
Chris Coursey and E. James Wilder, THRIVING - Life Rhythms Discovered, Life Rhythms Restored (an excerpt from their forthcoming book), and more information on Thriving, both on the site of C.A.R.E.
E. James Wilder, The Red Dragon Cast Down – A Redemptive Approach to the Occult and Satanism, Chosen (Baker Book House), Grand Rapids, MI, 1999; ISBN 0 8007 9270 X.
See also the websites of C.A.R.E. and CARE Packaging (where you can order most or all of the books by Jim Wilder et al), the website on the Life Model (in which Jim, together with several colleagues, explains a lot about God’s plan for our life and about recovering or healing when something has not happened according this Plan A; with many materials to be downloaded, and an interaction-forum!) and the website of the Dutch foundation Promise.
James G. Friesen, Uncovering the Mystery of MPD – Its shocking origins, its surprising cure, Here’s Life/ Send the Light, San Bernardino CA, USA 1991; ISBN 0840743858; re-issued: Wipf and Stock/Resource Publications, 1997; ISBN 1-57910-062-7.
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Karl and Charlotte Lehman are very devoted to helping
traumatized people in a Biblically and scientifically thorough way. Based on
their own Biblical research, the Life Model of E. James Wilder et al.
(see above) and the Theophostic Ministry approach of Ed Smith, they
developed the approach known as Immanuel interventions™.
At the same time, God had led me to center my pastoral counseling around the
presence of God - Immanuel. Their findings presented a most welcome
affirmation and extension of my Immanuel pastoral counseling
approach, as I currently teach it in the Netherlands under the title Immanuel pastoraat, and as a lifestyle under the title
Immanuel levensstijl.
I hold Karl and Charlotte Lehman
in very high regard because of their most sensitive work! They exemplify
what it means to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit and to really
connect people to the heart of Jesus Christ Himself, in stead of coming up
with their own expertise, comfort or whatever. At the same time they do
provide an enormous wealth of insight to other counselors and pastors via
their most clear and thought-provoking book and a wealth of web-articles.
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For further reading and viewing:Karl Lehman, Outsmarting Yourself: Catching Your Past Invading the Present and What to Do about It, This JOY! Books (Three Cord Ministries, Inc.), Libertyville IL USA, 2011; ISBN: 978 0 9821835 9 5.
The websites of Karl & Charlotte Lehman provide a great wealth of information and articles: www.kclehman.com (a.o. valuable documents around the Seminar Brain Science, Emotional Trauma & the God Who is with us), www.immanuelprayer.com, www.immanuelapproach.net (a.o. valuable material under Biblical Basis), and www.outsmartingyourself.org.
Karl D. Lehman, Live Emotional Healing Ministry – Condensed, with Subtitles, 6 abbreviated sessions of Immanuel Prayer Counseling on one video, Live Ministry Series 23, www.immanuelapproach.com, 2012 (subtitles in Chinese, Dutch, French, German, Korean, Spanish and Swahili). This is a (strongly) abbreviated version of the following video’s:
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Karl D. Lehman, Live Ministry Series - video’s with Live sessions of Immanuel Prayer Counseling on video, available through www.kclehman.com or www.immanuelapproach.com:
No. 5. Lisa: Childhood Surgery, Panic Attacks, and Abreaction, 2006.
No. 6. Rocky: Father-Son Wounds, 2006.
No. 12. Maggie #2: ‘If I leave, she could die’, 2008.
No. 17. Renae: Healing Helps Parenting, 2009.
No. 18. Rita #3: Jesus is better than candy, 2009.
No. 19. Maggie #3: Labor & Delivery Trauma, 2008.
Patricia A. Velotta, Immanuel - A Practicum, This Joy! Books, Libertyville IL, 2011, ISBN 978 0 9834546 5 6.
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Gordon Dalbey is a man with the courage to confront religion in modern Christianity and stand up to reconnect our hearts to the heart of Father God. God has given him great clarity, not only in the realm of men’s issues and sexuality, but especially in confronting that hiding-out-of-shame and fantasizing our own ways that we see so much in the Church today. We cannot attain New Life by our own efforts, or by being more willing or thinking better; it is only by surrendering to Jesus and acknowledging our weakness and then listening to God on how to continue, that we receive it and marvel to see the New Life unfold before our eyes. Dalbey emphasizes the spiritual truth that we are always surrendered to something or someone, and we better choose the Good Shepherd to be surrendered to! Only His Love lifts us up!
For further reading (and listening):www.AbbaFather.com, Gordon Dalbey’s ministry website, with a.o. some great teachings on the video / audio / articles page.
Gordon Dalbey, Religion versus Reality – Facing the Home Front in Spiritual Warfare, Civitas Press, San Jose CA USA, 2013; ISBN 978 0 61592404 5.
Gordon Dalbey, Healing the masculine soul – An affirming message for men and the women who love them, Word Publishing, Dallas USA, 1988; ISBN 0 8499 3257 2.
Gordon Dalbey, Sons of the Father – Healing the Father Wound in Men Today, Civitas Press, San Jose CA, USA, 1992, 1996, 2011; ISBN 978 0 61552130 5.
Gordon Dalbey with Mary Andrews-Dalbey, Pure Sex – the spirituality of desire, Civitas Press, San Jose CA, USA, 2014; ISBN 978 0 69234474 3.
 Téo van der Weele during the break at a seminar of De Kracht van Vrede |
The approach of Helping by Blessing, or
Powerful Peace as it is named as well, as developed by
Téo J. van der Weele, has inspired me very much. Van der Weele was led
to this approach when faced with the task to help thousands of traumatized
people in refugee camps in Thailand. His task there was to equip lay people
to become counselors in order to help these masses. His experience in this
cross-cultural work later helped him to see how people who grew up in abusive
circumstances also benefitted from an approach that asked questions as if
they came from a different culture.
This approach also acknowledges that when people experience the deep peace
and safety of the presence of God – either God the Father, Jesus Christ
and/or the Holy Spirit –, they can more easily begin the healing
process from emotional trauma.
According to this approach, this peace, and even God’s
presence, can be invoked by a fellow christian in a sufficiently safe
atmosphere – the two-fold concept of the Maranatha-prayer. The
Maranatha-prayer emphasises that we need hope for a better future as well as
God’s presence in the situation here and now. It is a form of pastoral
counseling that is based on what God wants to do for the counselee, more than
what the counselor can do.
Many other psychotherapeutic treatment methods focus on the problem.
Helping by Blessing connects with what God has already done and is
doing in the life of the counselee, in stead of following a plan of your own.
Encouraging the counselee to face painful realities from the past, present
or future happens only when God and the counselee want this to happen
and when the counselee is ready for it (cf. 1 Cor.10:13; Hebr.4:8).
This means that we do not automatically dig into someone’s past; not
everything needs to be re-lived to be healed. Some events may have been too
painful, or ‘irrelevant’ in God’s eyes. His peace can cover
and heal it.
The approach is now exercised and taught by the Dutch
foundation Zegenend Helpen (Helping by Blessing; formerly:
De Kracht van Vrede - The Power of Peace), with whom I am affiliated as
well.
What this approach first of all taught me, is that it is not my expertise
that contributes to the healing but the presence of Jesus first. By listening
spiritually to what God is already doing in the life of the counselee, I can
become truly His co-operative shepherd-dog, as Luther used to call himself so
succinctly.
For further reading:Téo J. van der Weele, From Shame to Peace – Counselling and caring for the sexually abused, Importantia, Dordrecht NL, 2002 (earlier edition published through Monarch, Crowborough GB, 1995; available in German, Finnish and Dutch as well).
More information on this approach can be found in my article Helping by Blessing, or at the website of Zegenend Helpen (the foundation that furthers Téo’s teachings).
There are quite some more christian writers on counseling who stood out from the crowd for me. Some of these have a Roman Catholic background. I think my appreciation for their contribution has to do with the fact that some Roman Catholics (though Roman Catholicism has some very un-holy pagan roots and teachings that I hate) were influenced less by the ‘modern’ utilitarian thinking than my own scientific, reformed background. And thus, it formed a nice ‘counterweight’. The world of affects and relationships cannot always be caught in rational terms. These people gave me a new appreciation for this and for concepts such as beauty and love.
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Two of them are Henri Nouwen
and Brennan Manning.
Each in their own way, they have helped me to ‘live as a child’
– enjoying the heavenly Father’s love whatever the circumstances
and not divert to rebellious Pharisee-ism or ‘impostorship’.
Only by “listening to the Rabbi’s heartbeat” on a regular
basis can I do so (see the interview with Brennan Manning or his book as
referenced below).
Henri Nouwen’s concept of the ‘wounded healer’ helped
me to see my own brokenness not as something to be regretted (only), but
(also) as something that helps me to truly connect with others on a
heart-to-heart level. And without such an empathic connection, effective
counseling is hardly possible.
Though theologically I miss something in Henri Nouwen’s view on such
concepts as ‘sin’, or on the divinity of Jesus, and I have been
pointed at many sins in Manning’s life, I prefer to look at what I can
learn from these people and their writings.
For further reading:Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child – the cry of the heart for intimate belonging, NavPress, Colorado USA, 1994.
See also the web-article: Living as God’s beloved – an interview with Brennan Manning, on how to experience God’s love; from the Discipleship Jl (Navigators USA) on-line library.
And: Agnieszka Tennant, Ragamuffin – The patched-up life and unshabby message of Brennan Manning, Christianity Today, 6 Jan 2004.Henri Nouwen, The return of the prodigal son, 1988.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, In the Name of Jesus – reflections on Christian leadership, Crossroad, New York USA, 198x.
Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Wounded Healer – ministry in contemporary society, Doubleday, New York USA, 1972; (Reissue edition: Image Books, 1979) ISBN 0-385-14803-8.
Because of its vital message, I include my summary of this book in a separate article: Wounded Healers.
Though not as well known internationally as she deserved to be, the Dutch Roman Catholic psychologist Anna A.A. Terruwe (1911-2004) has inspired me greatly. I think of her observation of the condition of our impersonal ‘modern’ society giving rise to what she called: ‘frustration neurosis’, of her concept of ‘restrained love’ (i.e. love, that does not force itself upon another in a way that the other cannot appreciate or receive), etc. But most of all, I think of her gentle teachings on affirming, encouraging and empowering one another, though I learned about this from Larry Crabb and Dan Allender as well. The way she combined psychological insights with her faith in God was very inspiring to me.
For further reading:Anna A.A. Terruwe, The Neurosis in the Light of Rational Psychology (Dutch title: De Neurose in het Licht van de Rationele Psychologie); trans. Conrad W. Baars, edited by Jordan Aumann, P.J. Kenedy & Sons, New York, 1960.
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Give Me Your Hand - About Affirmation, Key to Human Happiness, Croydon, Victoria, Spectrum Publications, 1973 (translation, by Martin Van Buuren, of: Geef mij je hand - over bevestiging, sleutel van menselijk geluk, De Tijdstroom, Lochem NL, 1972; in Dutch).
Conrad W. Baars, Anna A. Terruwe, Healing the Unaffirmed – Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder, Alba House, Jan. 1979; ISBN: 0818903937 (Revised and updated edition, edited by Suzanne M. Baars & Bonnie N. Shayne, Alba House, 2002; ISBN: 0818909188; / St. Pauls, Staten Island, NY, 2002).
Anna A. Terruwe, Conrad W. Baars, Psychic Wholeness and Healing, Alba House, Jan. 1981; ISBN: 0818904100; (see also at AddAll).
Anna A.A. Terruwe, Geloven zonder angst en vrees (Believing without anxiety or fear), Romen, Roermond, 1971; in Dutch.
Larry Crabb & Dan Allender, Encouragement, the key to caring, Zondervan Grand Rapids MI USA, 1984.
See also: Henry Pinsker, ‘The Supportive Component of Psychotherapy’, Psychiatric Times, November 1998, Vol. XV, Issue 11.
Last, in this category, there are a number of writers that I just want to mention briefly.
Lewis B. Smedes’ introduction on the vital concept of grace as antidote to shame was most refreshing to me.
So was Larry Crabb’s concept of connecting – empowering the good (that which is of or in line with God) in each other – as a new and more effective way of counseling than many traditional psychotherapeutic approaches.
On the theme that to care often means to speak out and to confront others in a loving way, as well as on the difficult and often mistreated subject of forgiveness, I learned a lot from David Augsburger. The fact that anger – often regarded as a ‘negative’ and undesirable emotion – can become a creative force to draw closer to others and to oneself, is just so great!
What I said above about Smedes, also counts for David A. Seamands and his book: Freedom from the Performance Trap – Letting Go of the Need to Achieve. Most instrumental I consider his notion that the false self becomes more obsessed with a more unreal goal as the true self becomes more hidden under it.
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John Townsend helped me to see the struggle we often face between a desire and need for connection and a similar one for separation and being alone at times. He also showed clearly how we can struggle about the fact that bad and evil happens – most of the time totally outside our control. We somehow have to resolve the urge to 'make everything good'.
Jerry Cook presents very clearly what the Christian community is all about: Love, acceptance and forgiveness. In this way we become a healing community.
Josh McDowell confirms the relationship between increasing violence and destructive behaviours among young people, and the isolation and disconnection in which they often grew/grow up.
Though it is many years ago that I last read it, I will
not easily forget Ingrid Trobish’s book:
The Hidden Strength – Rooted in the Security of God’s Love.
Written from the consolation she herself received in very difficult
circumstances, it touches the deepest human need.
Many times this book
was the first one I recommended people to read, because it is easy to read,
pure and very helpful on a broad spectrum of life issues.
Lastly in this category, I do not want to leave unmentioned the books by Mary Pytches. Her tender and yet firm and solid teachings have often ignited a fresh zeal in me to pursue more of God’s healing – both in my own life and those of others.
For further reading:Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace – healing the shame we don’t deserve, HarperSanFrancisco, Zondervan / HarperCollins, USA, 1993.
Larry Crabb, Connecting – Healing for ourselves and our relationships; a radical vision, Word Publishing, Nashville Tennessee USA, 1997.
See also: A Shrink Gets Stretched – Why psychologist Larry Crabb believes spiritual direction should replace therapy; by Agnieszka Tennant, Christianity Today, May 2003.David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront – Learning to speak the truth in love, Herald Press, USA / Marshall Pickering, Basingstoke Hants UK, 1973 / 1980.
David Augsburger, Caring enough to forgive – true forgiveness; and: Caring enough to not forgive – false forgiveness (one volume), Regal, USA, 1981 / Herald, Scottdale PA USA.
David A. Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap – Letting Go of the Need to Achieve (earlier editions entitled: Healing Grace), Victor Books, SP Publications, USA, 1988.
John Townsend, Hiding from Love (We all long to be cared for, but we prevent it by -) – How to change the withdrawal patterns that isolate and imprison you, NavPress, USA, 1991 / Scripture Press, Amersham-on-the-Hill Bucks England, 1992; ISBN 1 872059 68 6.
Jerry Cook (with Stanley C. Baldwin), Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness – Equipping the Church to Be Truly Christian in a Non-Christian World, Regal, 1979 / Gospel Lit. Int’l, USA, 1981; ISBN: 0830706542.
Josh McDowell, The Disconnected Generation – Saving Our Youth from Self Destruction, Word (Thomas Nelson), Nashville, 2000; ISBN 0 8499 4077 X (see an impression of this book, at the publisher).
Ingrid Trobish, The Hidden Strength – Rooted in the Security of God’s Love, Here’s Life, San Bernardino, 1988.
Mary Pytches, Set My People Free: inner healing in the local church, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1987.
Mary Pytches, Yesterday’s Child – Understanding & healing present problems by examining the past, Hodder & Stoughton, London, 1990; ISBN 0 340 52273 9.
Mary Pytches, Rising above the storms of life – handling our emotions God’s way, Eagle (IPS), Guildford, Surrey, GB, 2000; ISBN 0 86347 375 X.
Then, there is the massive work of psychoanalists, psychologists, psychotherapists and other scientists and
practitioners – many of whom have diligently studied the
phenomena and dynamics that take place in the formation of healthy or
unhealthy behaviours, life patterns, habits, affects, thought patterns, etc.
I will have to limit myself to highlight only a few that have had a
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I do want to add though, that I also learned a lot through a brief investigation of the history of psychoanalysis that I did. One can learn so much from seeing the patterns in the development of the profession and some of the ‘big’ names involved.
For further reading:Joseph Schwartz, Cassandra’s Daughter – A history of psychoanalysis in Europe and America, Allen Lane / Penguin Press, London / New York / etc, 1999; ISBN 0 713 9 9158 5 (Int’l/British edition), 0 670 88623 8 (USA/CAN Edition).
Kalman J. Kaplan, Matthew B. Schwartz, A Psychology of Hope – A Biblical Response to Tragedy and Suicide, W.B. Eerdmans, Grand Rapids MI (USA) / Cambridge (UK), 1993, 1998 (Revised & Expanded Edn.); ISBN 978 0 8028 3271 9.
Paul Genova, ‘There Are Only Three Kinds of Psychotherapy’, Psychiatric Times, November 2001, Vol. XVIII, Issue 11.
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A prominent place I like to reserve here for the Attachment Theory of the British developmental psychologist John Bowlby (1909-1990) and his co-workers and later adherents. Bowlby was one of the first to study the interactions between babies and their primary caregivers – in particular their mothers. He saw how we are equipped with an attachment system, that makes us look for safe attachments to others, connections that will provide the safety we need to operate freely in life. What he discovered as well is how many problems in later life can be
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For further reading (John Bowlby’s most easy to read books and a good introductory article on the original work on Attachment Theory by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth):John Bowlby, A Secure Base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development, Basic Books (Perseus), New York USA, 1988 / Routledge (Taylor & Francis Books Ltd.), 1988; ISBN: 0 465 07597 5.
John Bowlby, The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds, Tavistock, London / Routledge, an imprint of Taylor & Francis Books Ltd., London, 1979; ISBN: 0 41504326 3.
Inge Bretherton, Origins of Attachment Theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth (
Mauricio Cortina, Mario Marrone, ‘Reclaiming Bowlby’s Contribution to Psychoanalysis’ (
See also the work on influences of childhood experiences by Mary Pytches, mentioned earlier.
Though John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth have become most famous for their work on the attachment concept, many have prepared the way before them – e.g. already in the end of the 19th century Alfred Adler introduced his concept of ‘Gemeinschaftsgefühl’ (Adler’s theories are still the basis for ‘encouragement training seminars’ given in various countries).
For further reading:Henry T. Stein and Martha E. Edwards, Classical Adlerian Theory and Practice, on the site of the Alfred Adler Institute of San Francisco.
Henry T. Stein and Martha E. Edwards, Stages of classical Adlerian Psychotherapy diagram in Providing the Missing Developmental Experience in Classical Adlerian Psychotherapy, on the site of the Alfred Adler Institute of San Francisco.
More recently, several people have stretched the
attachment-research considerably. More insight has been gained in the
far-reaching effects of inappropriate or insufficient early attachment.
Symptoms like that of post traumatic stress, borderline behaviour
characteristics or severe forms of dissociation have been traced back to
social deprivation in early childhood. New interest in the attachment
concepts has spurred more people to become involved. I think of some excellent
research work as carried out in the last decade or so by several people.
One of them is Bessel A. van der Kolk –
see for example his papers, mentioned below.
Another – sometimes nicknamed the American Bowlby or the
Einstein of Neurology, which says a lot – is Allan N. Schore, who has studied the interaction
of early attachment with the formation of the brain and reported about
this in several very interesting articles and books. As an example: his
conclusion in his 2002 paper on dysregulation of the right brain is
very significant:
Disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment, a pattern common in infants abused in the first two years of life, is psychologically manifest as an inability to generate a coherent strategy for coping with relational stress. Early abuse negatively impacts the developmental trajectory of the right brain, dominant for attachment, affect regulation, and stress modulation, thereby setting a template for the coping deficits of both mind and body that characterize PTSD symptomatology. These data suggest that early intervention programs can significantly alter the intergenerational transmission of postttraumatic stress disorders.
| 2008-04-20 |
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Childpsychiatrist Bruce Perry is another scientist who has done groundbreaking work on the edge of neuroscience and psychology. From there, he gives a clear insight in what happens in the brain when a child is exposed to traumatic experiences from early on. In the book he wrote with Maia Szalavitz he tells with compassion about severely traumatised children whom he helped to grow towards adults that stand strong in life. One of the challenging examples is that of Justin, a six year old boy who grew up as a dog. He showed a speedy recovery in language and development as soon as his brain was stimulated in the right way.
Daniel Siegel has written some groundbreaking works on the brain and the way it develops, related to Bowlbian development theory and attachment. His book The Developing Mind is recommended reading for every serious counselor or therapist.
Also Peter Fonagy has written several articles stretching the original attachment concepts.
Fortunately, Bowlbian attachment theory and its descendants have penetrated University circles in the Netherlands as well. In March 2002, Marianne Riksen-Walraven held her inaugural speech at the Faculty of Social Sciences of Nijmegen University, the Netherlands on the same issues as addressed by Allan N. Score et al.
For further reading:Bessel A. van der Kolk, The compulsion to repeat the trauma - Re-enactment, revictimization and masochism (originally published in: Psychiatric Clinics of North America, Vol 12, Nr 2, June 1989, pp.389-411).
Though not focussed on attachment, I include a few references to other papers by Bessel A. van der Kolk: The body keeps the score: Memory and the evolving psychobiology of post traumatic stress and The assessment and treatment of complex PTSD (
More articles by Van der Kolk and his colleagues can be found via Bessel Van der Kolk and Colleagues’ Articles on the web – specially under the ‘classics’ heading, there are some very worthwhile papers.Allan N. Schore, Affect Dysregulation & Disorders of the Self, W.W. Norton & Company, New York / London, 2003; ISBN: 0 393 704008 4 / 0 393 70406 8 / 0 393 70407 6. A copy of Ch. 2 - 4 is online (
Allan N. Schore, Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self: The Neurobiology of Emotional Development, W.W. Norton & Company, New York / London, 2003; ISBN-10: 0 393 704084, ISBN-13: 978 0393704082 (2-volume set with the item above).
Allan N. Schore, Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self: The Neurobiology of Emotional Development, Lawrence Erlbaum, New York / London, 1999; ISBN-10: 0 805 834591, ISBN-13: 978 0805834598.
Allan N. Schore, The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health (originally published in: Infant Mental Health Jl, 2001, 22, pp.7-66).
Allan N. Schore, Dysregulation of the right brain: A fundamental mechanism of traumatic attachment and the psychopathogenesis of posttraumatic stress disorder (originally published in: Australian and New Zealand Jl of Psychiatry, 2002, 36, pp.9-30).See also An interview with Allan Schore – ‘The American Bowlby’, July 9th 2001 (
Daniel J. Siegel, The Developing Mind – Toward a Neurobiology of Interpersonal Experience / How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Guilford, New York / London, 1999; ISBN: 1 57230 453 7 (hc) / 1 57230 740 4 (pbk); 2nd ed.: 2012, ISBN 978 1 4625 0390 2 (hc).
Daniel J. Siegel, ‘Toward an interpersonal neurobiology of the developing mind: attachment relationships, “mindsight”, and neural integration’ (
Bruce D. Perry & Maia Szalavitz, The boy who was raised as a dog and other stories from a psychiatrist’s notebook – What traumatized children can teach us about life, loss and healing, Basic Books - Perseus, New York, 2007; ISBN-13: 9780465056538; ISBN-10: 0465056539.
Bruce D. Perry, ‘Trauma and Terror in Childhood – The Neuropsychiatric Impact of Childhood Trauma’, in: I. Schulz, S. Carella & D.O. Brady (Eds.), Handbook of Psychological Injuries: Evaluation, Treatment and Compensable Damages, American Bar Association, August 20, 2000.
Bruce D. Perry, ‘Traumatized children: How childhood trauma influences brain development’, in: The Journal of the California Alliance for the Mentally Ill, 11 (1), 2000, pp.48-51.
Bruce D. Perry, ‘Incubated in Terror - Neurodevelopmental Factors in the ‘Cycle of Violence’’, in: J. Osofsky (Ed.), Children, Youth and Violence: The Search for Solutions, Guilford Press, New York, 1997, pp.124-148.
Peter Fonagy, Attachment, the development of the self, and its pathology in personality disorders.
Antonio R. Damasio, Descartes’ error – emotion, reason and the human brain, Putnam / AVON Books, New York, 1994.
Antonio R. Damasio, The feeling of what happens - body, emotion and the making of consciousness, Vintage, Random House, London / Hartcourt Brace & Company, New York, 1999.
Marianne Riksen-Walraven, Wie het kleine niet eert... – over de grote invloed van vroege sociale ervaringen (Who doesn’t honour the little (one)... – on the strong influence of early social experiences; in Dutch) (
| 2008-08-25 |
These scientists I hold in special regard because of
their fundamental contribution to our understanding of traumatization and
dissociation. They show clearly how a lot of psychopathology can be traced
back to earlier traumatization. And they provide a clear pathway to recovery
and healing, in particular for those who wrestle with dissociative disorders.
In all that they contributed to my insights on the central role of
connection in (recovery to) healthy living.
The observation that dependence of a counselee towards the counselor can be
(temporarily) a positive thing, becomes very apparent in one of their
articles. Thereby they provide a good reframing of an often avoided aspect
of trauma counseling.
![book: The Haunted Self]](https://www.12accede.nl/accede_thehauntedself.jpg) |
For further reading:Onno van der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis en Kathy Steele, The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, WW Norton, London/New York, 2006; ISBN 0 393 70401 7.
Onno van der Hart, Kathy Steele, Suzette Boon, Paul Brown, ‘The treatment of traumatic memory: Synthesis, realization, integration’, Dissociation, 6 (2/3), 1993, p.162-180.
Onno van der Hart, Ellert Nijenhuis, ‘Generalized dissociative amnesia: episodic, semantic and procedural memories lost and found’ (
Onno van der Hart, Rutger Horst, ‘The Dissociation Theory of Pierre Janet’ (
Onno van der Hart, Paul Brown, Bessel A. van der Kolk, ‘Pierre Janet's Treatment of Post-traumatic Stress’ (
Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, Onno van der Hart, & Kathy Steele, ‘Trauma-related Structural Dissociation of the Personality’, Trauma Information Pages website, January 2004.
Onno van der Hart, Ellers R.S. Nijenhuis en Kathy Steele, ‘Dependency in the Treatment of Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Dissociative Disorders’, Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, 2 (4), p.79-116.
Babette Rothschild, well-known by her book, The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, has taught me a lot about the relationships between bodily sensations and trauma and trauma counseling. I appreciate her clarity when explaning vicarious traumatization of counselors by listening to their traumatised counselees, or transference and counter-transference. She has a good way of keeping us, therapists, in touch with our ordinary ‘common sense’.
For further reading:Babette Rothschild, The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, WW Norton, New York, 2000.
An interview with her, from: Psychotherapy in Australia, Vol. 8, no. 2, Feb. 2002.
Babette Rothschild, ‘Applying the brakes’, Counseling Psychotherapy Journal (about the importance of first learning to handle traumatic memories, separating past and present and return to the present, before stimulating their appearance; also here).
--------, ‘Making Trauma Therapy Safe: The Body as Resource for Braking Traumatic Acceleration’, Self and Society, May 1999.
--------, ‘Mirror, Mirror: Our Brains are Hardwired for Empathy’, Psychotherapy Networker, Sept/Oct 2004.
--------, ‘Understanding Dangers of Empathy’, Psychotherapy Networker, July/August 2002 (on vicarious traumatisation).
--------, ‘Transference & Countertransference: A Common Sense Perspective’, Energy and Character, Vol.25, no. 2, September 1994.
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The systems-approach of family therapy and Edwin H. Friedman’s intergenerational views as well as Ivan Boszormenyi Nagy’s contextual views of counseling have elaborated further on the concept that we are intrinsically connected beings. Without understanding e.g. Nagy’s concepts of ‘invisible loyalties’ or that of ‘entitlement’, a lot of pastoral help would be a lot more cumbersome (b.t.w.: I also appreciated Jim Wilder’s different angle in his little section on entitlement in Ch.4 -p.40-41- of The Stages of a Man’s Life – see above).
The Pesso-therapy (or: Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor as it is officially called), as developed by Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso, assumes a relational view on human nature as well. Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso added to that their experience with body work (they had a background in dance and choreography). The result is a form of therapy from which I certainly adopted some elements.
For further reading:Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue, The Guilford Press, New York, 1985.
An arbitrary article that illustrates some of Nagy’s observations well: Wayne Peterson, RECONNECTING, University Baptist Church Devotional, Adult II Sunday School Department, May 23, 1999.About the Pesso therapy a lot of materials are available. A very useful article I found the one by John S. Crandell: ‘Pesso System/ Psychomotor and Object Relations Theory’, on the relationship between ‘Pesso’ and the object relations theory that is related to Bowlby’s attachment theories, I found in: Albert Pesso & John Crandell (eds.), Moving Psychotherapy – Theory and Application of Pesso System/ Psychomotor Therapy, Brookline Books, 1991; ISBN 0 914797 72 7.
Transactional analysis – as introduced by Thomas Harris and Eric Berne – has given me a basis and a vocabulary for conceptualizing and talking creatively and respectfully about the internal working models of myself and my counselees in terms of internal parents, children and adults and their effective or ineffective interactions. This served as a basis for further thinking on ‘inner child’ issues, ‘games people play’, etc.
For further reading:Thomas A. Harris, I’m ok, you’re ok, Harper and Row, New York / Evanston, 1967).
Eric Berne, Games People Play, Grove Press, New York.
Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy – A Systematic Individual and Social Psychiatry, Ballantine Books (Grove Press), New York, 1961.
Claude M. Steiner, Scripts People Live – Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts, Grove Press, New York, 1974 / Bantam Books, London/ New York/ Toronto, 1975.
The metaphor from this: ‘A Warm Fuzzy Tale’ is available on the web.Claude M. Steiner, Emotional Literacy – Intelligence with a Heart, webdocument, 2002 (extensive revision and update of: Claude Steiner & Paul Perry, Achieving Emotional Literacy: A Personal Program to Increase your Emotional Intelligence, Avon Books, 1979).
Jut Meininger, Success through Transactional Analysis, Signet - New American Library, New York, 1973; ISBN: 0451126378 / 0451058984.
Stephen B. Karpman, Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis (
I think I would not have the listening skills I have
without attending a kind of ‘active listening seminar’, back in
the 1980-ies. I still feel indebted to Thomas Gordon, who came with this idea,
wrote books about it and founded this ‘movement’ of Parent
Effectiveness Training seminars and all its descendants. I have seen
families change for the better after the parents started to listen to and
affirm their children as adviced by Gordon.
I do realize though, that many of the concepts of good listening can be
traced further back. People like Carl Rogers, amongst others, have done some
groundbreaking foundational work here!
For further reading:Thomas Gordon, P.E.T. families: problems, insights and solutions in parent effectiveness training, Effectiveness Training Itnl, Solana Beach USA, 1976/79.
Thomas Gordon, P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training, Effectiveness Training Itnl, Solana Beach USA, 1970.Child Trends Inc. has investigated, for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, what the common traits of successful families are. The outcome? Communication is at the top of the list. Read it all at Identifying Successful Families: An Overview of Constructs and Selected Measures, by Maria Krysan, Kristin Moore and Nicholas Zill.
| 2015-02-21 |
Via her TED lecture on vulnerability Brené Brown has conquered many hearts and in fact the entire world of counseling. Only by daring to be vulnerable ourselves, we can approach another close enough to be able to be really of any help.
For further reading:Brené Brown, The power of vulnerability, Video, TED.com (with subtitles). A transcript is available as well.
Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection - Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, Hazelden, 2010; ISBN 978 1 5928 5849 1.
| 2015-02-21 |
A middle-aged professor having his work-room in a tree hut is not an everyday sight. Stuart Brown lives what he teaches: that play and playfulness are an essential skill. Watching his video and reading his book changed my view on life and on the possibilities for change, forgood.
For further reading:Stuart Brown, Play - According Stuart Brown play is more than fun - it is essential, Video, TED.com (met subtitles). A transcript is available as well.
Stuart Brown (with Christopher Vaughan), Play - How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul, Avery (Penguin), New York, 2009; ISBN 978 1 58333 333 4.
Bowlby (see above) saw that early experiences lead to a certain view on life.
He spoke of ‘working models’, later also the terms: ‘life
scripts’ and ‘schemas’ have been suggested.
One of the tasks of a counselor or therapist is to help change these
cognitive and affective ‘schemas’.
Jeffrey E. Young has focused on this – at least: on the cognitive part
– in his schematherapy,
that is applied quite broadly these days.
Even for non-professional pastoral counselors it can be useful to
pay some attention to these ‘schemas’.
For further reading:J.E. Young, J.S. Klosko, Reinventing Your Life – The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior... And Feel Great Again, Plume Books.
The site of Schematherapy features several sheet presentations: Reinventing Your Life (accompanying the book by Jeffrey Young, & Janet Klosko), Schema Therapy – Basic Concepts, Schema Therapy: Assessment & Education, and: Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder.
Last but certainly not least there are the postmodernists, like the Narrative Therapists Michael White and David Epston. Because I observe that not many people are familiar with this, I will say a little more about this here. Together with some feminist scholars these postmoderns have rightfully (as I see it) demonstrated a big issue in traditional, secular, ‘modern’ thinking about psychology and counseling.
‘Modern’ (as opposed to the post-modern) psychology is for a large part strongly based on Greek and ‘enlightenment’ humanist (materialist) thinking. It seeks improvement away from God and has made the human cognitive faculties its idol (compare Descartes’ Cogito ergo sum). It wants to ‘fix’ by ‘analysis’ – using the mind, it wants to reason and to persuade by the power of the mind; to control via the mind. An essential ingredient is positivism or technocracy – the idea that we can and will control all things and change them for the better. Another is reductionism – in order to give a feeling of control over the real world, a strongly reduced image of it is made which is or at least seems to be controllable. This ‘modern’ psychology stresses ‘proper diagnosis’ (cf. the DSM-series) and makes the psychologist a kind of unique ‘expert’ – thus disempowering the counselee.
The benefit of these postmodern ‘narrative therapists’ is that they have a way of leading us back to reality. Reality is more complex than we will ever be able to control. The stories of people's lifes are similarly multi-faceted and offer – when carefully explored – in themselves a lot of answers to the problems they may be facing. A lot more can be said about this. I refer to the literature as given below and the references therein.
Besides, they also have - as representatives of social constructionism – put the relational side of our being more central again (for more on this, confer to the article by John Shotter).
What I learned from them were new ways to treat counselees with dignity. To listen to their multi-threaded, multidimensional stories with new interest and curiosity. To help seek in the wealth of experience of themselves for clues (‘alternative stories’) to the problems faced. To ‘externalise’ some of the problems that plague them. To seek for applicable allegories and use the power of story creatively.
Speaking of using the power of story creatively, I appreciate Mooli Lahad’s Six Piece Story Method – a creative as well as brief method for a first assessment of pathologies and strengths in counselees.
And the idea of seeing life as a ‘story’, influenced by other ‘stories’, gives me a new understanding of the enormeous impact of the many stories we read or watch (on tv, for example). I got a new appreciation of the narrative nature of the Bible - the greatest Storybook ever. Becoming more selective in the stories we engage in at a conscious level, can help us stay on track. After all, there is One: our Creator, Who says He is the final Author (or Editor) of our faith – and thus, of our life story (cf. Hebr.12:2 NIV and Jer.29:11). Who better to consult to change our life story for the better than Him?
I have observed a great parallel between White & Epston’s ‘Therapeutic writing’ or ‘Re-authoring therapy’ and the apostle Paul’s pastoral, affirmational ways of writing. Both affirm in a most respectful wording the strengths or contributions of the other – often amidst difficult circumstances. This fits very well in with the positive basic attitude that I personally learned from Téo van der Weele and his co-worker Maaike Schalk. What I mean is the attitude that is apparent in what survivors of sexual abuse often get to hear in their talks with Téo: “Congratulations, you have gone through a lot of trauma and yet, you have not become crazy!” (cited from the website of the publisher of one of Téo’s Dutch books; my translation). With great joy have I seen the fruitfulness of such an attitude and of this kind of re-framing of ugly experiences in my own counseling practice.
For further reading:For good introductions to Narrative Therapy, see: the web-article by Alice Morgan: ‘What is narrative therapy?’, a schematic introduction to Narrative Therapy by Michael White himself, or: a brief intro on Narrative Therapy as described by the Dulwich Centre, on the Virtual Faculty site of A. Lock.
My first and very pleasant encounter with Narrative Therapy was through the article: Frank Baird, ‘A narrative context for conversations with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse’ (
On Social Constructionism, see: John Shotter, The social construction of our ‘inner’ lives; do note the significant quote from M.M. Bakhtin).
An analysis of the different metaphores of various family-psychotherapeutic and pastoral models, from a christian viewpoint, is the subject of Metaphores, Models, Paradigms, and Stories in Family Therapy (
On Mooli Lahad’s 6-PSM see:
Mooli Lahad, ‘BASIC Ph – The Story of Coping Resources’, in: M. Lahad & A. Cohen (Eds.), Community stress prevention, Vol 1 & 2, Community Stress Prevention Centre, Kiryat Shmona, Israel, 1997; p.117-145.
Kim Dent-Brown, ‘Six Part Story Method (6PSM) – as an aid in the assessment of personality disorder’, Dramatherapy, Vol.21, No.2, p.10-14.
Kim Dent-Brown & Michael Wang, ‘Pessimism and failure in 6-part stories: Indicators of Borderline Personality Disorder?’, The Arts in Psychotherapy, Vol.31, nr.5, p.321-333.
K. Dent-Brown, ‘Story as therapeutic tool: The Six-Part Story Method’, Context, 55, 2001; p.22-23.Nancy Davis has written some nice Therapeutic Stories.
About re-authoring your life story, or helping a counselee with that task, see: David Epston, Michael White and Kevin Murray, ‘A proposal for a re-authoring therapy: Rose’s revisioning of her life and a commentary’ in: Therapy as social construction, Sheila McNamee, Kenneth J. Gergen (Eds.), Sage Publ., London (GB) etc.
For the reference to Paul’s way of writing, see e.g. 1 Cor.1:4-9; 2 Cor.1:3-5,15-16,24; Gal.4:14; 5:7a; Eph.1:1--3:21; especially 1:15; 2:8,20,22; Filip.1:3-7,19; 4:1; Col.1:3-6,8; 2:5-6; etc.With regard to my critique about modernism, you might have a look at: Jeffrey Satinover, The empty self – C.G. Jung and the Gnostic transformation of modern identity, Hamewith Books, Westport Connecticut USA, 1996, or what Leanne Payne says about Jung and modern gnosticism. You may as well want to check out Paul C. Vitz’s extensive web-book: Sigmund Freud’s Christian Unconscious.
| 2010-03-03 |
Because I see the Bible as normative, I am somewhat critical towards any approach that is incompatible with the Bible. Various Western psychological and psychotherapeutic models – like Freud’s psychoanalysis – are based more on Greek mythology with its unhealthy anthropology (later florishing in what has been named ‘the enlightenment’ period) than on a health promoting Biblical view of man. As good scientist I recognize these underlying (belief) basis and choose consciously for the sound, Biblical (Judeo-Christian) basis.
For further reading:Antonio R. Damasio, Descartes’ error – emotion, reason and the human brain, Putnam / AVON Books, New York, 1994.
Kalman J. Kaplan, Matthew B. Schwartz, A Psychology of Hope – A Biblical Response to Tragedy and Suicide, W.B. Eerdmans, Grand Rapids MI (USA) / Cambridge (UK), 1993, 1998 (Revised & Expanded Edn.); ISBN 978 0 8028 3271 9.
David Takle, The Truth About Lies And Lies About Truth, Shepherd's House, Pasadena CA, USA, 2008; ISBN 0 9674357 9 4.
James Montgomery Boice, The sovereign God, Foundations of the Christian Faith - Vol. 1, InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove (IL, USA), 1978.
Michael Green, Runaway World, Inter-Varsity Press, London (GB).
The above list is far from complete.
There’s so much creativity God has given to us...
However, I hope I have given you a few new ideas on alternative ways to
look at situations.
I will update this list regularly, a.o. adding more links to
other materials on the web.
So do come back later, if you whish, to check for these additions or
amendments.
And do not forget that we ourselves, in the hands of the great Cook,
are the best ‘ingredients’ He can use – just allow Him to
do as He pleases!
(With thanks to John Chisum’s relaxed and yet
profound Lessons in A Kingdom Kitchen
for this latter side of the kitchen metaphor.)
When I look at the list above, I see these approaches have, in fact, helped me to see and deal with a number of needs of the counselees that have entrusted themselves and their situations to me.
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There is the need for safety
and for connectedness with God (Who is the ultimate Source of safe
connection), an answer to which I encountered in the Bible itself, in
Téo van der Weele’s Powerful Peace concept and his
concept of sharing God’s Presence and Shalom through the act of blessing.
I also see it in Leanne Payne’s teachings on practicing the presence
of God.
Experiencing safety is linked to experiencing that God or a safe authority figure (like good parents in the life of a small child) is ‘in control’. Such ‘being in control’ is sometimes signified through singing or humor. I think that is (part of) why humor, singing and an attitude of playfulness can have such a therapeutic effect. I encounter this also in Henri Nouwen’s first experiences of working together with mentally handicapped people - it took some of the ‘theological weight’ off his original approach and made him more ‘human’ and more ‘connected’. |
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There is the deep need for
grace, for restoration, for hope, for a new perspective and a new
life, as only Jesus and His crucifixion and resurrection provides.
As He took the penalty of our rebellious separation from God on the cross,
He made a way for us to become intimately connected to God, to each other
and to ourselves again.
Besides that, He can identify with our suffering as He underwent the
worst suffering ever.
The fact that He conquered even death, not just then and there but also
here and now, and the fact that He will come again in glory and restore
everything to His purpose, is the most hope giving message I can think of.
In this, I learned much from Leanne Payne and through her
Pastoral Care Ministry schools.
Through her work and that of her colleagues, I got a new symbolism that
helped me face traumatic content in my own memory as well as empathize more
effectively with the traumas of my counselees and friends. |
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There is the need of
‘being heard’, of ‘being
given space’, that is addressed in the works of people like
Anna Terruwe and Lewis Smedes as well as in the approach of the narrative
therapists and in Thomas Gordon’s active listening seminars
and books.
Many others have similarly pledged for the sake of survivors of serious abuse or neglect and how it is vital that they are given the opportunity to talk about all that happened – however gruesome it may be. This builds further on the previous issues: The concepts of Sharing Immanuel and Powerful Peace have given me a way to help people to allow these terrible memories to surface and experience peace at the same time (what Téo calls: ‘the stereo experience’). The Cross is a powerful symbol of Jesus coming into our ‘pit’, and taking all the pain, as well as a great symbol for God’s anger over the sin of abusers. This creates space for the abused to talk about that what God has demonstrated to be so terrible as to have His Son die for it on a cross. |
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Important as well is our need
to learn how to live with the existence of good and bad in this world.
Brokenness is a reality in this world, and so are darkness, pain,
unfulfilled dreams and desires, etc.
Many times these things are not removed from us – not even when we
devote our lives to God.
The person living with God may even see more brokenness as it contrasts
so heavily with the peace and light of God.
In the meantime, the encounter with any form of brokenness can be very
challenging for those who experienced life-threatening aspects of brokenness
earlier in life, as is the case with those who suffered any forms of severe
abuse, early childhood neglect, etc. (psychologists sometimes speak of
Post Traumatic Stress in this case – see the articles by Bessel van
der Kolk and others on this topic).
We have to resolve the inner tension we experience in the midst of
brokenness, and come to grips that we are not helplessly given over to the
waves that swept us away in the past.
Téo van der Weele's concept of the ‘stereo experience’
has helped me a great deal in this.
In the ‘stereo experience’, one side of us is experiencing the
brokenness, while the other side is listening to the peace of Jesus.
I have also compared it to standing in the sea at the shore, your feet
firmly ‘rooted’ on the rock below the water.
There is the water - unsteadily going up and down, but the solid ground
remains fixed.
As long as I do not go in too deep, I can always put my feet down on that
solid ground and prevent being swept away by the waves.
John Townsend (in Hiding from love) has a good chapter on resolving
the good and bad in ourselves and others, too. |
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The need for
dignity is great where there was neglect, abuse, being treated as
worthless dirt, or taken for granted, et cetera, with their associated
feelings of shame, powerlessness and infirmity.
The reality of a God Who takes us into His family, Who regards us
as worthy of His love and care – as mediated to us either directly
or through the care of an empathic friend or counselor – already is
a source of dignity itself.
I learned from this most by reading the Gospels and paying special
attention to the way Jesus communicated with the people around Him.
The Psalms were a great source for me here as well.
But also Jim Wilder’s teachings and those of Leanne Payne, John
Townsend and Aiden Wilson Tozer implicitly speak of great dignity.
Henri Nouwen’s concept of the wounded healer spoke to me about
dignity in a special way – both my own dignity despite past wounds and
faults, and on how to impart dignity to counselees and others with whom I
am in contact.
There is dignity in the experience of being a wounded healer – an
‘experienced worker’ who is more easily trusted by other
survivors because ‘he has been there too’ and can identify
with their pain.
In this way, experiences of woundedness change from being a source of
shame and separation into a source of dignity and connection.
Seeing others as ‘experts’ on their own life – a concept advocated particularly by a number of post-moderns – also returns to them some dignity. |
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The need for identity, for
‘a sense of being’, is addressed very adequately in the
approach and seminars of Leanne Payne.
The Biblical notion of the social nature of identity and our innate need for
spiritual as well as human connection has fortunately been recognized by many
in the last decades: the writings of John Bowlby as well as postmodern
social constructionists are worth mentioning here. Identity formation simply
cannot take place without adequate safe, empathic and attentive connection.
Too long have anti-Christian modernistic tendencies of individualism reigned
and spread their poison.
It is time for a new Christian psychotherapeutic setting, where this need for
connection is acknowledged and where there is place for warmth in stead of
‘professional distance’. I love to re-read what Anna Terruwe
wrote about this already decades ago.
And in this respect I love Isaiah’s credo too:
“You have taught me to speak as pupils do” [i.e. asking
questions, not taking an ‘I am the expert’ stance].
David Seamands and Lewis Smedes also uncovered our natural tendency to ‘perform’ in order to earn the love and gain the affirmation we craved and needed for our identity formation. The antidote of God's grace, giving us peace to just ‘be’, is just another aspect of what we need in this respect. |
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In order to learn and receive these things, and
in order to grow, there is also a great need for good
role models – people who show Gods love in a unity of their life.
The broken life is characterized by division.
Sometimes the outside looks nice and pretty, what is being said sounds good,
but broken people feel the lack of unity and depth in it all.
There is so much untrustworthiness and hypocrisy – also amongst
Christian leaders.
Then, there is an enormous need to see that unity – in the way it can
be seen in God, for God is One, as the Jewish creed rightly
says. |
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There is the need for being
empowered, for a new sense of power and ability.
This is closely linked to the need for being heard, as described above.
The fact that God listens to us, as illustrated in a counselor actively
listening to us and taking serious what we say, already is a most empowering
experience.
Another form of empowerment I found in the way David Augsburger couples
emotions of anger – often a source of shame and withdrawal in silence
– to the concepts of love, care, justice and dignity. |
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There is also a need for
clear boundaries – a safe context in which new behavior can be
experimented and learned, and in which to learn what truly satisfies and is
fitting to the own personality and values.
Without safe boundaries, various aspects of a recovery process can be
threatening to the person him-/herself or to others close by.
For the person him-/herself, because re-traumatization occurs easily
&ndash either by others (the behavior of the person may unconsciously
elicit or provoke it), or by the person him-/herself in the form of sinking
into (and re-living!) traumatic memories again (see e.g.
‘Applying the Brakes’, by Babette
Rothschild) or by self injury (see the article by Bessel A. van der Kolk,
‘The compulsion to repeat the trauma’).
For others, because the person may have insufficient insight in the effect
of his/her behavior on others, or may have insufficient control over his/her
own behavior (see ‘Attachment: Key to Healthy Living through Adequate Affect Regulation’ and the references therein to Fonagy and Schore). |
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That brings me to still another need: that of dealing adequately with our
emotions. Above, I already mentioned anger.
Grief is another ‘difficult emotion’ in our western culture.
A Bible study I did, several years ago, about Jesus weeping with Mary in her
grief over her deceased brother Lazarus, was most helpful to me, as it showed
so clearly how Jesus actively and openly acknowledged Mary’s emotions.
Yes, the Bible – God’s Words of Love and Wisdom – remains for me the ulimate Source of revelation on Christian Counseling and all that is involved. |
For more information, or your reaction to the above, you can contact me via e-mail: andre.roosma@12accede.nl.
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